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Love is shit.

Whoever said that: “being in love is a beautiful thing” or that:”love is all flowers and sunshine” is a fucking liar. Seriously, don’t belive that.
I mean, sure, love IS great, but only if there is someone who loves you back. Unrequited love is a bitch. Not that I’m in love or anything…it just…complicated. I don’t know myself anymore.
Ah, screw it. Here’s the story (I’ll try to keep it short, I promise):
So, once upon a time, there was this boy. It was the first grade. And I liked the boy immediately-I even sent him a Valentines day card, saying him how I felt and all.(I know it’s stupid, but in my defense, I was only six at the time)
Anyways, my feelings didn’t go away for many years. Precisely;7th grade.
But that’s a little bit down the road.
So, the problem was, I was the know-it-all girl, and he was the blond boy which had more girls in love with him in the 1st grade only, than I will ever have. And of course, why would a guy like that even look at me? I had my little doubts over the years, but nah.
As I said, the little blondie was pretty popular with the girls. So, as I later found out (in the 3rd grade, I think) my friend (now my best) also had a thing for him. There was this weird period where we were both in love with him in the same time, and I really can’t remember how it worked.
So, my crush for the boy “”stopped”” around the third grade. Nobody knew but me. And I started to violently promote (or as you will, “ship”) my friend and my crush. I guess I did that to hide my feelings-as I always knew that he will never feel anything towards me-but I also really believed that he was in love with my friend.
Why did I think that? Because he was always rude to her. I know it probably sounds stupid, but that’s how it worked back then, the girl you teased was the girl you loved.
And I just backed out, leaving him to my friend, and I was just fine.
But, even though there was proof that he was in love with her (his cousin told her), nothing ever happened. Their hate-filled relationship continued, along with my secret.
And then something happened. One day, he and my elder friend that I knew from drama class met. They instantly became friends, but not just the two of them, but all of their friends hung out together (the beginning of my 7th grade).
Since that happened, he changed completely. He became nice, he was no longer rude and he even stopped fighting with my best friend, although everyone thought that was impossible.
Over the last couple of months since they all met, they had some fights and over time it became clear that she fell in love with him, and me and, basically all her other friends claimed that he had some feelings for her too.
And a couple of weeks ago, was the first time ever that I felt completely, and absolutely over him.
I was finally free, and I am actually very happy for their future, if there will be one (I’ll keep you posted, if you want to know what will happen).
Then, what’s the problem you ask?
Oh I’ll tell you what’s the problem.
Shipping people became very popular in my school this year. And I mean VERY popular.
I literally can’t name one person I know that isn’t a part of some ship that’s probably never going to happen.
So, my best friend (the same one I mentioned earlier) started shipping me too. And with no one else, but my ex-crush’es best friend.
Why? I don’t fucking know.
Nobody likes the ship but her. NOBODY. Most of the people ship him with my drama club friend’s friend (I know it’s getting complicated, I’m sorry).
So, I just ignored it at first, but it didn’t last long. She became unbearable.
I couldn’t even talk to him without her having a stupid grin on her face.
And then he became weird.
Everything he did was directed to me.One day, the boy I sat with wasn’t at school and he just casually went to sit next to me.
And then, the moron my friend is, she took a picture of us. Because “we were cute”.
She didn’t even turn of her flash light.
The boy (I’m going to call him V later on) was very confused. I wanted to kill my best friend.
V sat with me on the next class too. Next day, he wanted to correct history exams with me. I really didn’t get it (I still don’t).
This week, he acted like he doesn’t even know I exists. And the worst part is, I actually care. I don’t know why. I never really knew how could anyone like him (my friend liked him), as he was always the rude, dirty minded moron he still is.
And know, I just can’t do anything. I can’t tell anybody.
And I have these ideas that maybe my best friend friend paid  him to be nice to me just so she could watch her ship come true (that seems stupid now, but if you knew her and how far she sometimes goes to get what she wants, you’d believe me).
And here I am today, telling my life story to strangers on the internet, just to feel a little bit better. But I don’t. I feel like crap.
I know I didn’t keep it short, and I apologise. But if you did come far enough to read this sentence, I want you to know that I hope you will find, or that you already found friends you are close enogh with so you can tell them how you feel, because this position I am right now is terrible. That’s all I guess.
You can give me advice if you want to, but I really doubt anyone will read this. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, english is not my native language.
P.s. everything here is true.

One Comment

  1. I had fun reading it and I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Try saying what you feel. Life is short, I’m 25 I realized life is short

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