What’s wrong? What isn’t wrong. Feeling like you can tell the truth because people think your lying or the fact that your never 1st choice. People would rather hide or run instead of facing up. I asked for help and I got some and all my family could do is put me down. I told my sister that I felt like life was not worth living so she told my mum and they sat there and laugh at me.. Ever since then I felt like a joke I went back to that dark place. Feeling isolated, Lonely and sad is not what I want to be seen as so I went day in and day out pushing my self to be a better me trying to make other proud… Things got so hard. I stayed strong kept away from harming my self taking tablets and tried to have happy thoughts. Couple days after I told my sister I wanted to kill my self I sat in my room with ear phones in listening to music with out realising I was siting there hitting my self in the legs when I got chances I then realised I had massive bruise on my legs couldn’t show anyone because of the cuts, what happy to say are mostly gone after not doing it since November only time I see them is when I’m to hot or to cold (like in the bath) but ever time I look at them I see one step forward not one step back. But right now I feel like I’m no longer moving there no more steps it’s just cold and horrible like I can’t escape. What’s happened in the last 5 month has nearly killed me dad being horrible hitting me and screaming at me not being able to have a word in any where or he would frow things at me. One time I went to work and I had a massive lump on my leg for about 3 week it hurt to touch or move and I got changed in the toilet instead because I was ashamed I felt disgusting like it was my fault and that I deserved it and that I was the bad person. Then one day I was arguing with my mum about something stupid I was calling my mum horrible names and I under stand that I was part to blame I’m a horrible person then my dad came running up stairs,my mum and sister stood in the way he pushed my mum to get to me. They jumped on my lap but I just couldn’t handle it anymore it was my breaking point had to go. I asked my mum to chose she chose him I left for about 3 weeks in them 3 weeks I got fired went to the doctors for help went to work for help went to my friends for help. No where wanted to help me. One thing I want to know is if I’m feeling like this what is my younger sister feeling like she’s the only reason why I’m still standing she’s been though so much she might be in the back ground but she’s trying as well I see it in she eyes that she is struggling. I’m scared of my self I’m always hurting my self with out noticing. I gave my self a hair cut because I wanted to change I didn’t mean to I just hate my self so much and I blame my self. Thing have to stop and if that means ending my self for that to happen then I will maybe then my life will have a meaning to it. I’m just existing. About 4 weeks ago something happened to my mum originally the doctors thought it was a stroke. But that night I found her laying there in her bed with half a face dropping. I panicked went bang on all the walls to wake my sister up called an ambulance. Next morning I called my dad and told him what happed as he no longer living with us. He came over and had a go at me because I didn’t call him that night. She came home 5 days latter it just seemed like a normal stroke, until she stared saying she hearing voices and how she no longer aloud to talk to me she would cry all the time. It’s the most painful thing seeing your mum cry. She called them the shadows, it was like looking after a 7 year old. One day she told me that I was going to be touched and I had to watched my family Break. I thought life couldn’t get any worse until i pick up the phone and it was the hospital.. My sister has done an overdose. Life froze everything had to stop I shut my self away got angry more easy because it was the only feeling i had left being angry, scare and along is all i know now. I’m a 16 year old screaming for help with out a voice. Sad thing is this is only half of what has happened in the last 5 months. I’m just existing.