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It is breaking my heart!

I feel like I must share something because it’s breaking my heart.

I must leave my current boyfriend soon. He is by far the best boyfriend that I have ever had and I don’t mean that in a really sappy middle school way. He grew up in Rome and goes to a very prestigious university in Baltimore. He’s smart, handsome, and very caring. He is the first person who I’ve truly cared about in a really long time.

The trouble is that I think I will be leaving for job opportunities in California with a high probability that I will be paid to attend a prestigious university.

We’ve spent a lot of time together and talk constantly. It seriously breaks my heart knowing that I will soon have to tell him that my time on the East Coast is limited. Should I break the news now and spend the rest of my time here, suffering together while only 10 minutes away? Or spend as much time as I can with him and hope to cause enough friction for us to more easily part ways. Perhaps that will only bring us together more. In any case, I still tear up everyday knowing that I will have to make a decision.

I’m almost 23 and I feel like this is my first REAL adult decision. Stay with my loyal and loving Italian boyfriend, keep my decent enough but not a “where-I-want-to-be” job or leave my comfort zone for something else.

I can see why people would just tell me to go. But I don’t think they quite know my story. I don’t think they know how I have been unable to carry out relationships. He is also very guarded and it took a while for us to warm up to each other. My first successful relationship and I now I am faced with this ultimatum. What if things don’t work out and I stay here without taking this opportunity? What if I’m passing up the love of my life?

It sounds like the tense part of a romantic comedy but I guess that’s just my life. I hope somebody can read this and relate. I’m not sure if I will remember this site but it’s just a good way to get this off my chest.

Oddly enough, it doesn’t make me feel any better. I sigh and no pressure is relieved. I guess I will have to face my future and look out for the best in me no matter how bad it hurts. 🙁

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