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My parents have 4 grown children

My parents have 4 grown children. I have two older sisters and a younger brother. My dad passed away a year ago from cancer caused by agent orange when he was in Vietnam. My oldest sister always beat me up for no reason and tried to get my other sister to beat me up too. My dad sexually and physically and mentally abused us. He told us he was the meanest son of a bitch we would ever meet. Since i had a bed wetting problem i got beat worse. He was an alcoholic and he was meaner when he was drunk. One night my mom was at work and he was drunk and he snapped on us kids and pulled out a knife and told us he was going to kill us. We ran to the bathroom and put all of our little bodies in front of the door so he couldnt get in. The whole time he was stabbing the bathroom door telling us he was going to kill us. It felt like hours before he finally passed out and it was safe to come out. He would take us on beer runs and we would huddle together on the floor board cuz he drove crazy. We were scared we were going to die. When my mom was fed up with him being drunk and mean she would get us kids ready to go stay with our aunt for the night. My dad got his loaded gun out and pointed it at us n told us he was going to kill us if we left. My dad enjoyed playing evil scary jokes on us kids and it would make us cry. He did so much messed up stuff to us it still affects us today. I have PTSD and many other things cuz of what he put us through. We werent allowed to have friends come over. He would make us run until he told us we could stop. He locked us outside in the summer. We were in our room a lot. We couldnt use the bathroom unless he said we could. He controlled us all of the time. My mom never wanted to be bothered by it. She was either at work or out with friends or locked in her room. I would have to write a book to tell everything. Since my dad was exposed to agent orange i have a lot if health issues. I cant wait for God to take me so i dont have to suffer any more. I have major depression and I think about death all of the time. I just want to die. I have four kids n they dont understand why im like i am n neither does my family. I keep to myself so i dont have any friends. I have one cousin that im close to but thats it. Even my two sisters and i arent close. My brother and i are. I dont know whats going to happen to me. If i die i want to go quick n painless. I also want to say that the last eight yrs of my dads life he finally got on medicine and he turned out to be the dad i always wanted. R.I.P. dad

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