This all happened during my childhood.
I was molested for several years when I was a kid. I like to say it probably started when I was 5 till I was in 3rd grade. I was raped by a neighbour who was a family friend. We lived in a small community, and he was my cousins friend as well. They both were around their late 20’s or early 30’s. One night, I slept over my cousin’s home because his father (my uncle) wanted us too, and my cousin raped me as well. I was in 2nd grade when this happened, I’m sure.
We had another uncle that lived with my family. It was a 2 bedroom apartment, in a ghetto neighbourhood. He used to drink a lot, and used to beat me any time I was hyper. I was in preschool around this time. He used to tie me up with a rope and burn me with his cigarettes whenever he felt he needed to discipline me. He used to also beat me with a belt.
My dad was never really home, he worked all the time. I have 2 little sisters and an older brother, so being the middle child sucked. I would always have to fight for attention. My mother couldn’t speak English so she couldn’t find work, on-top of taking care of kids. So she used to babysit the neighborhood kids to generate some income.
I saw my first murder when I was 7 years old. I used to get picked on in school because I wasn’t black or white. My brother never defended me, he used to let his friends beat me up and pick on me. He didn’t really take on the big brother role till I was 21. During that time, my bestfriend at that time robbed me. I was the Godfather of his son, but I’m not mad at him for it.
My brother almost died on the family when I was 13. I saw him in a coma, which he was in for 2 weeks. Money was always the issue growing up. My parents used to fight all the time about not having money and living in a ghetto place. My dad used to drink heavily as well, so whenever he came home late at night, that’s how I remembered him. He suffered from Type 1 Diabetes. When he was in a coma state, the first thing that came to my mind was how to bring money home. My dad lived. but is now permanently disabled, so my mother raised us 4 during my teenage years on a $25,000.00 annual salary.
I got locked up when I was 15 for having a gun on school grounds. Me and my friend were going to sell it for some weed so we can start hustling. That didn’t end well. I got kicked of school, got locked up, started hustling i got out 24 hrs later, and stayed in the streets. I got my GED and I am trying my best to successful now.
I’m much much older now, damn near 30 years old. I am unstable and not faithful in any of my relationships. I am lost, I am confused. I don’t like to make excuses for my actions. I just want to know if it does play a role in my psych today.