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My Stepdad raped me. I am his toy and I am fine with it.

It’s not easy to write ….i never shared my life with anyone before. never shared my “daily life” so its a bit difficult. Ok so I was six years old the first time my mother brought him home and introduced us, and after almost a year he became my stepfather. It started with innocent stroking, glances here and there, but as the months have passed it got worse. He started calling me to the bathroom at home and touching…me lets put it this way. It started to scare me. I was eight, and as a child I was afraid of how would my mother react to this, would she be mad at me? I was an idiot child and I had to tell her before it got worse but its too late. When I was eight, my mother died of cancer and left me alone with this man, and since then I found out what hell is. When theres no one to hear me he’ll be aggressive and he wont be scared to show his true nature in front of me. He hited me and … raped me. All together. And so the years passed, as I grew up I thought about going to the police or run away or anything else, but he always found me. He never told me what he does as a living but he says he has “connections” especially in the police. I understood I have no where to run or turn to, somehow hes everywhere. And so the years passed, as I grew up he became more and more violent. Today I am 19 years old and he continues to do what he wants with me. Until today I had a lot of broken noses, shoulders out of place, many scars and he cracked my head open by “mistake” that time he raped me when he was in a bad mood. I’ve stopped seeing him as a man long time ago, but one thing I know for sure, he cant live without me without his “toy”. I’ve accepted that it’s my life and that’s how it’s going to be, probably, but I’m fine. really. I like to think that theres people with much more difficult situations than me somewhere in the world. and I got used to it. I wont give him the joy of seeing me crying. So I’m okay and i said the same thing at school, “im fine, i just like to fight a lot” they always thought im part of a bad company. but I’m fine. well i just was interested what people will say to me if anyone will know so… feel free to share. its was my first time sharing

8 Comments


  1. I cant I understand your situation because you are only one who is suffering from all this. But you should be proud that you are fighter and have decided not to cry. When you can survive with such a beast i think you can start your life from anywhere. Start thinking in this way…..run away from your house….world is big…and beautiful.

  2. I cant say I understand your situation because you are only one who is suffering from all this. But you should be proud that you are fighter and have decided not to cry. When you can survive with such a beast i think you can start your life from anywhere. Start thinking in this way…..run away from your house….world is big…and beautiful.

  3. You don’t deserve this. You deserve a better chance at enjoying life. Tell an adult at school or your close friend. Or call the police. You can get a better family. Good luck, I am here to support you 🙂

  4. oh dear, i’m sorry to hear that before. keep spirit and stay strong. you must find a way to escape from him. maybe u can go to your mother’s family or stay with your close people ? seriously you deserve a better life. i’m here with you, you can ask me everything as much i can. @pinteqpanteq@gmail.com

  5. If an animal is put in a cage with an electrified floor, it will first struggle like hell to escape. When it finds it has no way to escape, it just lays on the floor and writhes in pain. At this point even if you open the door to the cage, it won’t leave the cage even though it can. This is called “learned helplessness” and it is a form of depression. And when you are a with someone for such a long time, you suffer Stockholm Syndrome where you start feeling sorry for your captor.

    I can help you start a new life. I can help you learn a new profession and ensure you are never abused again.

    You deserve a much better life. One filled with love. You need to experience catharsis to heal, to release anger, rage, hate and fury. Now you are numb and do not feel anything. You have shut down your emotions and are like someone who is dead. You need to feel the pain this person caused you, the vent your anger in a legal constructive manner. I can help you with this, too.

    We can rebuild you. We have the technology. We can make you better, stronger, faster . . . not exactly that’s a quote from the movie, “The Six Million Dollar Man” where they rebuilt an astronaut who crash landed on Earth and turned him into a bionic man. Well, I can’t duplicate that feat, but in my own way I can take you from being a broken, shattered soul into being a strong, confident, “bionic” woman in your own right.

    Whether you someday want to be used as a “toy” or not will be your decision. It won’t be someone else’s decision. That is a long way off. I mention that because it is quite normal for survivors of the kind of abuse you experienced to find partners who will help them relive some of their past because they find that is the only way they are able to experience sexual pleasure. And by reliving their past in a way that is not painful, they dampen the stimuli that triggers flashbacks as a result of their PTSD. You don’t have to live the rest of your life in fear and you don’t have to live the rest of your life as a victim.

    I know it is hard to leave the only cage you have ever known.

    with loving kindness,
    darryl

  6. I understand you my stepdad does the same and I can’t tell anyone or he will hurt my sisters I have been living like this since I was 8 now I am 13 so I understand and I m sorry for everything god put you through.

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