It all started when i was 7 years old my mom had gone to a parenting camp and had my friends dad come and take care of us. On the 4th day in, I was watchig tv when he came and started kissing me and licking my face. After that i kept the secret for 3 years not telling anyone but my closest friends. Right around 9 years old my self esteem dropped dramatically. I went from a bubbly kid to a self shamming 9 year old. I had the thought of self harm in my head for about a year but when i turned 10 something clicked in me that the only way to relieve my emotional pain was to cause my self physical pain. So i started at school with a compass and then a month later I told my friend goodbye and that i was gonna kill myself that weekend she was chill and went home telling her mom who told my school I had no idea and went to school normally when school ended I walked to my grandmas and was taken to the hospital but only told I was going to the doctors I ended up staying there for a week and a half in a place called caip not sure what it stands for but I stayed there and didn’t really end up talking to many people beacause they were older. When I got out I went to school and everything went back to normal during the summer I was sitting in my bedroom just on my phone listening to music when this over whelmming feeling of depression came over me. I walked over to my closet grabbing a chain purse and strangling myself with it that was my first attempt skip forward through the summer I ended up back in caip i am now 11 an have new better friends things are going well but then I went down hill and started self harming again with a razor blade this time I was sitting in my bedroom crying cutting when I thought to just end it I cut my veins but again didn’t succeed my third time was march break and I was upstairs in my friends house when i saw a pill bottle and opened it I didn’t take any so i guess it doesn’t count but i had a very strong feeling to end it i wasn’t in my house so it wasn’t right time 4 and final time was probally the scariest it was the same march break and I was home alone I was looking at my bottle of anti depressents I took all of them but later ion made my self puke them up i don’t know why not I knew it wasn’t my time what i do know is this life is mine to take or keep
life is precious never think like that
all will be right be happy 🙂
dear writer,
im an indian guy. im from darjeeling a small town in west bengal, you can search in google. After reading ur story my eyes are filled with tears. im sorry for all u had to go through. But what i suggest u is don’t try to kill your self its not the solution. There r so many who have gone through like u. I know a girl from my own place she was so intelligent, she was good in her studies and she aimed to be a doctor in future. But one day she spoke out in her pain, the pains and sorrow she was bearing it so long. she said, she was raped by her own father. And she even said her grand-father raped her from then she was a child. Her grand-father took her to sleep with him in the nights, she was too small to figure out what was wrong and right. But as she grew up she knew it was all wrong. And when she complained all this to her father, even the father raped her and warned her not to speak out for what had happened. He threatened to kill her if she spoke to any1 about that…. there r still many things that she suffered, you are not the only one to face this kind of violence in life. Today she has quitted her family and house and there r some good people who r supporting her and she still believes that she will become a doctor. So please we should not loose our hopes of living. ”If the solution of problem is to die i would had to die 1000 times, said by one good person. I hope u’ll find the reason of living and i’ll be happy to hear from u.