When I was 13 I was raped by someone who I thought was my friend in my own bed I had blocked it from my memory for years and it came back to me when I had another sexual assault experience this time I was not conscious I don’t know who did it or how many people did it but once that happened a lot of memories that I had blocked out for a long time came back to me and now I have realized it had happened more than just those two events it was about four of them all together that happened it’s a hard thing to accept especially when it doesn’t seem real it seems like a story you were told because you didn’t know how to accept it at the time it’s sad it was all different people and I hate to feel sorry for myself because I understand people have been through worse I don’t know why I compare my story to others I think I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter but it must because otherwise I wouldn’t have so many issues that I have to deal with now and I never knew why I was so quick to let people sleep with me and why sex never felt like it meant anything when everyone talks about it like its suppose to mean something this has stopped me from ever being with someone and letting anyone in or love me it was always okay to let them have that part of me the physical part of me I guess I just needed to share this because no one really truly knows I mean I have said some things to my psychologist but that is about it