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I want to die

I want to die. But not really in a way that I want to commit suicide… yet.
I fucked up my life. Well, my education, mostly.
My parents are disappointed at me. I’ve been spending all of their money for my¬†useless education. I’m such a bad child.
And in one way, I’m ashamed. I’m disappointed at myself too. And I’m tired.

And I think my parent’s life would be so better off without me. They don’t need to spend money on me anymore, they still have 2 more children, bright children to take care of so they won’t be lonely, and my siblings are so much way better than me. Essentially, I’m not needed here. I’m such a disturbance. I need to go. I need to. I need to be get rid from their life.

I need to.

But not like I want to.

I still want to be alive, I still want to be living so bad. But I can’t. I feel like I can’t. I’m no good for them to be here. I should not be in their lives anymore.

But i’m still have no courage to pull the trigger.
But it getting so suffocating here.
I don’t deserve this life.

But i’m still afraid of dying.

One Comment

  1. I want to die in my sleep but afraid for my other self, cause I know If I die now everyone will think of me as a loser as i was earlier and even now, I AM STILL A LOSER.
    I don’t find the need to be alive anymore but still think, if i die now, of course mommy and daddy and my siblings are going to cry and blame themselves even it wasn’t their fault at all…. all this is my fault. If i die they have bare the expenses for my funeral which is a waste…
    They are wasting both of their time and money after me which is really a sad thing, cause I don’t deserve it..

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