I want to die. But not really in a way that I want to commit suicide… yet.
I fucked up my life. Well, my education, mostly.
My parents are disappointed at me. I’ve been spending all of their money for my useless education. I’m such a bad child.
And in one way, I’m ashamed. I’m disappointed at myself too. And I’m tired.
And I think my parent’s life would be so better off without me. They don’t need to spend money on me anymore, they still have 2 more children, bright children to take care of so they won’t be lonely, and my siblings are so much way better than me. Essentially, I’m not needed here. I’m such a disturbance. I need to go. I need to. I need to be get rid from their life.
I need to.
But not like I want to.
I still want to be alive, I still want to be living so bad. But I can’t. I feel like I can’t. I’m no good for them to be here. I should not be in their lives anymore.
But i’m still have no courage to pull the trigger.
But it getting so suffocating here.
I don’t deserve this life.
But i’m still afraid of dying.