My dad always drank growing up. Sometimes he got mad and could scream the loudest I’ve ever heard a man scream. To this day I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone scream as loud as my father did at me when I was a brat. He was scary and mean but I also remember loving my father deeply and hating him at times, as a child this feeling made me feel extremely guilty.
My dad’s been sober for a long time now, and I’m 24, and I still can’t stop thinking about the time I made him so mad he unscrewed a water bottle and dumped it over my head. My mother laughed, everyone did. He went to therapy for the way his father treated him and I did too (only two appointments, but still). Will my baby have to go to therapy for me too? I’m terrified that I’m as fucked up as my dad.