ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED OR REMOVED.

My parents never had a good relationship. They’d fight a lot and there was some domestic violence. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood. When I was quite young I was interfered with. When I was 10 my dad went to war and got PTSD, he became a severe alcoholic. I remember mom would put us in the car and drive around to all the bars in Adelaide until she’d find him. Dad lost his job, he applied for compensation through veterans affairs but his first application was denied and over the years his second and third application was returned denied too. We lost one of our houses and moved into the investment property. It was a very small two bedroom house that didn’t have the mod cons our previous house had so it was quite a drastic change in environment for everyone as we were a family of 5. The doctor put Mum on a sleeping/anti-anxiety pill, something similar to Valium. When she was taken off of it her sleeping got worse, she was irritable and cruel.
When I started high school I was more concerned about making friends rather than getting good grades and I mucked around a lot failing every year or coming very close to it. Late in my first year of high school I was outted as being a lesbian and I was teased and bullied severely for a while. I was angry and I’d involve myself in physical fights often. After about six months some of the “cooler” girls stood up for me and the bullying stopped, people started giving me a chance and I ended up starting a relationship with a girl called Ellen. I was happy and in turn became very kind, I stood up for people who couldn’t stand up for themselves and soon became miss popularity. I dated Ellen for two years before my Mum caught us out on it. They were quite angry and upset, Mum more so than Dad. They called her parents and they were probably worse about the whole situation. They told us if our sisters (both in the years below) caught us hanging out together at school that Ellen would have to move schools. After our relationship crumbled under pressure I was extremely depressed and spiteful. I self-harmed and began to drink and smoke.
I ended up going on a date with a girl one night and told my Dad I seeing my friend Tom. Obviously happy that I was going to be seeing a boy I was permitted a night out. My parents ended up finding out that I lied and when I got home, all my clothes had been packed away and I was told to strip because if I didn’t have any clothes, I couldn’t go anywhere and I was made to take the week off school to help around the house.
Whilst this was going on my Dad was fighting a legal battle with the federal government over his compensation and decided to attend a political meeting with the current government representatives and the minister for veterans affairs. He told me that my Dad was a liar and was trying to cheat the system. After this my depression and drinking habits were exacerbated. Every day became about fighting the system. I worked for Dads charity for veterans on weekends and was not allowed time off. I would cook and clean for my parents often and eventually came to the conclusion that perhaps this was why my grades had always been poor.
I went to counselling for my issues and was told that perhaps I could ask my parents if it would be alright to stay with a friend for a few days break (at the time I was very rarely aloud to visit my friends or have a friend over.) My parents became very angry at the suggestion, like I was made to share the burden of their problems. I just wanted a break, it was all I could think about so I snuck out to stay at a friends which didn’t last long as they tracked me down within the hour. Dad ended up banging on my friends door and threatening him. Then he beat me and put me in the car. My friends reported this to the school.
My parents had always beaten me but it was becoming more and more extreme. They ended up beating me for 5 hours one night and I was so badly damaged I told them that I had voices in my head. I didn’t, but Mum saw it as an opportunity to have me mentally committed so that if I ever told anyone what they were doing to me, they could just say I was crazy.
In the emergency room I had a nice doctor who noticed my injuries and I opened up to him. There had already been several reports to families SA from when I’d rock up to school battered and I was removed from my family home. End of 2007
My parents mentally tortured me over it. I was made to feel horribly guilty for years. All I wanted was for my family to love me so I did everything I could fix the situation. Which included telling the rest of my family that I had lied about what happened. To this day they still think that it was all made up and I feel like my grandpa died thinking badly of me.

I lived in a house in Blackwood for a while with some friends, I eventually had to move. I had a job at a burger joint for a few years and was promoted to manager so I was happy with myself for a while. I worked even when I was living out of my car.

I had run out of places to live after about three years so I moved back in with my parents. They made me quit my job, they sold my car behind my back and I began to drink again. They kicked me out after a while and I couch surfed with no real goals in life. When I was 22 I ended up dating a guy who was abusive and it changed my whole personality. I mainly kept the relationship going because I had nowhere else to go. We would smoke a lot of drugs, mainly cannabis and then he got into ice and I followed. I broke it off with him when I had had enough of the life style. By the end of it, I had lost my identity completely.

I went back to couch surfing but it was harder this time around, as I had lost all of my friends. I bought a tent and camped around the parklands or slept in carparks if I couldn’t find a house party where I could sleep on a couch. One night I went to a house party in the city and my friend Aaron let me sleep in his spare room. Whilst everyone was partying, one of Aaron’s friends raped me. I used the last of my money to get to my parent’s house, I told them what had happened and they were reluctant to let me stay the night, dismissing the trauma I had just gone through. The people that I called my friends at the time questioned whether I was making the allegations up which was very upsetting, I felt totally alone.

My parents told me to call the homeless shelter the next morning. I ended up getting a bed and I stayed there for six months. At first I was happy and grateful that I got to stay there but I ended up having a bad experience with the staff who were unprofessional to say the least. The fees were quite high so I wasn’t saving any money and I was immersed in unsavoury characters. One in particular who I struck up a relationship with, Amy. I ended up getting involved in ice and biker gangs. Amy was very manipulative, put me down and cheated on me. 2015

I left the homeless shelter and went back to the streets. I would eat at food vans, I had a rough appearance and my self-confidence was completely void at this stage. Some of the people at the van were scary, mentally ill needle users and I drew a lot of unwanted attention being a young girl. I had a few people amongst that community who I wouldn’t necessarily call my friends but they were people that I felt comfortable enough to talk to. One of them was a tall blonde guy called Bill. He was very shy, I used to sit with him at the vans so I wasn’t alone. One night I went to the van and Bill had a devastated look on his face. I just had a horrible gut feeling so I sat away from him and called homeless gateway demanding somewhere to stay for the night. The next day I saw him on the news, he had murdered a lady brutally and was arrested on that night.

I decided I had to quit the drugs and sort my life out so saved for a bond and eventually got a rental place with a seemingly nice family. I got a job within the week and my boss was really easy going. Things weren’t really working out with the family I’d moved in with, they were quite strict and religious. That week I had a message from one of the girls from the homeless shelter saying she needed someone to help her pay the rent at her place in the country so I quit my job and moved. We had a short relationship but she turned out to be a severe alcoholic. The house was owned by her parents and when she became violent towards me I gave them a call and her mum called the police.

2016 JAN
I had a relapse for about two months following this but eventually came to realise that this girls parents were very kind and genuine which was the opposite to what I had experienced in the past and I saw this as an opportunity to start again. I have now been living in that same house for the last six months. I have made good friends in my neighbours who are kind respectable people. My neighbours across the road feed me so I can save my money and have offered to put me up when my current house gets sold.

FEB-MAR RELAPSE
It took me a long time to trust people in general, I still struggle with that from time to time but I feel like I have to believe that I’m not going to end up on the street again in order to move on. Being raped has really affected my abilities to socialise normally, I’m still very anxious when I go to the shops or an unfamiliar place. I can’t have sleep overs and I find it very hard to make friends with men.
I am now studying human resources as a pathway that will eventually lead to medicine.

JULY
I don’t speak to my parents very often as its too stressful, I went to visit mum on her birthday but dad ended up assaulting her and going to jail. He’s out now but is in a mental institution.
I recently got back in touch with my old friends and remembered the person that I used to be before the drugs and the bad experiences I had. At first I was very shy and anxious but by the end of the night I was making conversation like that part of my life had never happened and I want to continue to work on getting my mental health back on track.
Sometimes even though I manage to get on with my day, I get very depressed, I become extremely apathetic and feel empty. I struggle to sleep, I experience high levels of anxiety and wonder what the point in all of this is. I find myself always expecting the worst to happen and sometimes feel like I live in fear of what’s to come. I believe my struggle with drugs is over as long as I have a roof over my head. Having a place to live also allows me to study which gives me optimism that one day I will have a total stability. Until then I need to find some coping strategies for the hurt that I’m still feeling and find a way to see the innocence and beauty in life again.