Hey everyone! My name’s Ally and this is my story. Honestly? I have no idea if sharing this with you guys will do any good but after all these years I think I just need to let it go. So yeah let’s do this (:
You know when you’re a kid, and you think: “I’m never gonna light up a cigarette! I’m never gonna do drugs! I’m never gonna drink!” Because you try these things or you taste them when you’re younger and you’re just like “Arghh it’s gross!!” Why would anybody do that?! It is simply not appealing to you. Plus you have DARE classes in 6th grade, and people around telling you “say no to drugs” and whatever. And you know, you don’t really pay attention because it’s not a part of your world yet. I mean it’s like this outside reality! It’s completely intangible to you at that point of your life, you don’t even understand what it is! That’s the way you think of drugs when you’re a kid, and I was no different. I was NEVER gonna smoke a cigarette! I was NEVER gonna do drugs! This was NOT a part of my future!! But it happened..
Um.. When I was 16 years old Daniel, the youngest of my two brothers, died in a car accident.
I was devastated, so I started drinking, smoking, partying way too much and doing all kind of shitty stuff (by shitty stuff I mean sleeping with countless assholes) That’s when coke came into my life..
At the beginning it felt good.. A single line was enough to get me in an amazing rush. I’d be on top of the world. Most importantly I wouldn’t feel sad, And I guess it was the point of that whole thing, wasn’t it? So after a while, I needed coke just to get by. Too long without a fix, and…I can’t even describe it. It’s like I was dying in every awful way you could imagine, all at once. Pain in all my bones, throwing up, chills. I couldn’t sleep for days, I couldn’t eat neither.
(Spoiler alert: It is not worth it!!!)
So at this point of the story, I’m 16-17 years old, and I’m addicted to coke. I had just graduated from high school, in a few months I was leaving for Miami. And I just kept telling my self “You’ll stop when u get to Miami, you’ll stop when u get to Miami, you’ll stop when u get to Miami”. And I got to Miami, and for a couple weeks I stopped, and then I went back to it..
I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want to make new friends.. I wasn’t even going to classes. I mean couldn’t! I mean I was high 98% of the time. That’s the way I’d spend most of my college years. And then.. Well then I met that amazingly handsome 22 years old guy. Eric his name was. Do you believe in true love? You know, when you look at someone, and deep down you know they are the person you wanna spend your whole life with! Well I guess Eric was my true love..
He was very patient with me, he’s supported me a lot! I really wanted to quit for him, and I finally did. For 6 months actually, which to me was amazing!! Everything was perfect.
I made great friends, I finally graduated.. I was happy, truly happy! Eric made me happy, and god knows I loved him more than anything in the world!!
But in October 2012 Eric found out he had a late stage cancer. The doctors said he only had 7 months left, 9 if he was lucky enough. He passed away on February 22. Not even 5 months..
And you know I wished I could tell you I didn’t relapse or anything, but I did. And this time, my drug use got worse. Like in “I almost died on heroin one night” worse. Jason, who’s my best friend and one of the greatest people I’ve ever met, found me listless and unresponsive few hours later. He rushed me to the ER. I woke up 39 hours later in a dark hospital room, my parents were next to me (Wow so they do care about me?! What a surprise!!!) The doctor came to see me. She said I had flatlined twice, that they had to jumpstart my heart, and that I was very lucky to be alive. After this chaotic episode (if that’s even the word) my parents decided to do something. So I ended up with a sober coach. Ryan, 26 years old.
He was following me everywhere (literally) It was crazy! And I remember that at first we didn’t get along well. It was kind of my fault, because you know every time he would try to talk to me I’ll just go like “Why do fuck do you even care?! You know nothing about me!!” Okay let’s just admit it, I was acting like a class A bitch toward him ? I guess it’s because I was scared, and you know I didn’t believe a second I had a chance to get through all of this. But Ryan believed in me, he never gave up. And then one day, it just hit me: I can do it, and I will! Plus I was thinking of Ryan and Eric and Daniel and, as stupid as it might sound, I wanted to make them proud of me. That’s how it ended!
See when something knocks you down in life, you have two choices. You can either lay there and wonder why bad things happen to you, or you can get back up on your feet and make the choice to learn from your mistakes. In my case, I didn’t have the option of letting my pride get in the way. I knew coke and heroin were the two biggest mistakes of my life. If I didn’t change then, I’m not sure if I would have ever had the opportunity again. And I couldn’t take that risk.
So yeah, I made the choice to learn from my experience and take control of my life. If my life was going to turn around, it was going to be up to me. I don’t know where or when I got the courage to face my mistakes and move forward the way I did. I think there were two angels watching over me that day ? And you know it’s funny how sometime’s it takes the most difficult experiences to smooth out the rough edges in your life. In my case, it wasn’t just the edges, but the very core of my being. Oh and one last thing!! I want you guys to know that whatever you’re dealing with right now, you have a choice. Keep in mind you have the control on your life, that you can make it as great as you want to. And remember that it only takes one person to change your life: you!
With all my love, Allison.