He’s Hurt me but I cant leave him, we wont last but I don’t want to be the one to break it off.
On Tuesday, I was in art, and a girl that is in my ex best friends’ ancient history class came up to me and said she knows some things about my boyfriend and my ex friend, (we will call her Kat) that she thinks I don’t know yet, so I asked her to tell me. So she sat down with me in art and said that when I was told My boyfriend and Kat had one single hookup, that was a lie. The morning before I got to school, Kat and my boyfriend met up to plan what they were going to say so that I wouldn’t find out everything, they knew that I knew SOMETHING had happened with them, but I didn’t know what. So they planned to tell me it was a hookup. I got to school that day, I didn’t talk to my boyfriend for a while because it was weird, I stopped talking to Kat completely.
The point is; they both told me that they had a one-time hookup, was a lie.
My boyfriend and Kat had been doing things with each other inside and outside of school for weeks, she snuck out of classes to go see him, they went back to Kat’s house when he said he was at homework club and so on. Each day she would go back to ancient history with the girl to tell her everything. Kat used to say she felt bad for me being so stupid and not knowing, but it was exciting to go behind my back.
The girl told me a lot and I refused to believe it, I sat there and cried and defended my boyfriend and told her that Kat is a liar and she must have just told her all that fake stuff because my boyfriend wouldn’t lie to me. So I went through the day kind of avoiding my boyfriend and just trying to figure out what I was going to do with the things I had just been told. During period 7, I texted my boyfriend and said I was upset because people have been lying to me and I just wanted him to come clean with everything even if he thought it would hurt me, he said “I hooked up with Kat and at the beach bash party. I asked a girl to kiss me while I was drunk.” I then freaked out because I didn’t even know about the beach party thing, he just admitted something completely new to me, so I went off about that asking what the hell that was about and then I was like well is there anything else? Because I seriously never would have thought you were hiding things from me. Then he said he kissed Kat at school too, I said I already knew everything I was just hoping that she was a liar and he wasn’t. He apologized a lot. I got madder and madder and it just went on about it all over text and then I said leave me alone, and he said okay. And we haven’t spoken since.
So after we stopped talking on Tuesday, A close friend of my boyfriend and I (we will call him Tom) showed up at about 5:30 to make sure I was still alive and stuff I guess, said that my boyfriend lied to him to he knew nothing about it, he talked to me for like an hour and a half at my house while I was in bed and he walked around trashing my bedroom. It’s all just a big mess, I cannot talk or think about it without just crying or getting so mad I want to just hurt, its so bad I get to the point of anger where I want to break something or hurt me and I don’t like being like that so I just keep ignoring it because I hate feeling sad or that overwhelming type of angry. Its shit. Its all just shit. How are we supposed to go back after this? I have started talking to him again now but it just doesn’t feel the same, we lost something in the middle of it all and now I’m scared ill never find it again.