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I didn’t have a single friend who cared about me

Everyone in my house elder than me. My mom and dad are about 30 years older than me and my brother is six years elder. No one understands me, they don’t get that I’m feeling lonely. Ever since I was 10 all my friends used to pick on me. You could say they bullied me. I didn’t have a single friend who cared about me. All people did was use me or insult me as they liked. I always thought there was something wrong with me and I tried different ways to please people. Make friends, be a happy family and become someone good. I’ve faced similar kind of problems up until my 9th grade. I was a totally different person since my 10th grade. Since girls used to use me and all, I used to stick to guys, since they are less drama and there’s no backstabbing bitch to worry about. Hence, it was hard to make good friends (female) for me. My family problem is that they keep taunting me. My dad is busy with work and doesn’t exactly have time for me. Whereas my mother loves my brother more and she won’t admit it. My mom and brother are like a team. They team up and keep making sarcastic comments about me and talking about all my flaws in my face. And when I cry they tell me I’m sensitive and that I should be a good sport. Like hell I should. So I gave up on being a happy family and started making friends. I tried to help anybody and everybody. I became a good listener and everything to make people like me and be on my side. I made few families in each school I went to. My love life isn’t such hit either. I’ve fallen for a number of guys but, none have ever loved me the way I wanted. Few people did like me but I wanted different things than they did. I want a guy who would pamper me since no one in my family ever pampered me. Not too much but at least pampering isn’t going to harm anyone. Someone who would understand me and help me when
I need help. I’m not good at sharing my feelings to people because I don’t really have any experience with that and even though my heart hurts I’m just gonna laugh it out. I know I can be a hard person to be with but I need help. I need someone to love me unconditionally. I need a partner who would understand if I give more attention to my friends too because they too need me. The only comfort I do get is my reading books and watching series. Those make me feel alive and whole.

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