I am not the best person at writing things but I figured people should know my story, or at least some of it.
I am a Transgender (FTM) and Pansexual. I am not accepted by everyone but some of my friends support me. I have a great boyfriend and I’m not planning on losing him anytime soon or ever. I recently came out in March and have been out since. I have had bad gender dysphoria but have gotten a binder from a community on Facebook. I am slightly scared to go to school this year but I’m hoping I’ll have good friends that will support me. I am in need of money for clothing this year because my family won’t pay for boy clothing or a haircut for me. Which the haircut I can probably get the money for. I have a family that accepts me but won’t support me. They won’t call me by the pronouns or name I prefer. Which does bring up depression. I know they hate when I cut my hair really short to look like a boy or just because I like short hair myself.
They don’t like it when I wear boy clothing. But I stand against them, I am my own person. I haven’t shown them a picture of what kind of haircut I want because I already know they will freak out or just say no. So I’m just going to do it anyway. I know they hate boy clothing but i’m going to find a way to buy some anyway. I know this is not really a good story but I’m just trying to say that no matter how much people pressure you. Don’t let that bother you. It bothers me time to time but sometimes you need to stand up for yourself. This is basically a journal now I guess. I am thinking of posting helpful YouTube videos on my YouTube channel to help people of the LGBT community. I am thinking of selling some of my stuff such as artwork and perler bead creations to get money.
I am a very talkative person, and a weird one too. I get depressed easy like I have said before and I have anxiety and a few others too. I don’t want to get into lots of detail because you don’t really need to know. I have tried so hard to look and feel like the person I am inside me. But people still see me as female and people tell me almost every time that “oh you’re just going to have to get used to it” Really you think I can get over that. What if I called you a name you didn’t like or the wrong pronouns. I’m assuming you would be unhappy. Think about when you actually succeed in something like a grade in school you got up to an A. Think about that and then it suddenly dropping to a F, all that hard work and you did one little mistake and it drops dramatically. That’s sort of what it feels like when you think you actually might pass today and then someone calls you miss or by the wrong pronouns. I feel sometimes that my body goes numb when someone does that or when they call me by my birth name. I hate my birth name, it’s close to the name I go by but 2 letters off. It sounds more masculine although some girls have that name. I just am hoping that this year will get a little better.
Thank you for all your support it really does help. – Julian