My life has been bad.
It’s difficult to know how I haven’t just given up yet. Honestly.
When I was a child I was abused. From about the age of 18 months my mom was violent to me. She would break my toys, call me names and even threaten to kill me. She took me away from all my family for many years. They never knew where I was. It’s only been the last few years I’ve managed to be with them again. Half of them don’t want to know me. I guess they’re just scared of getting close in case they lose me again. Either that or she’s tried to poison them against me. I was bullied from an early age and never got on at school. I ended up in a special school. Not because I had special needs, but because I had so many emotional difficulties. My best childhood friend who also was my first relationship, cheated on me and lied to me. I’ve been in many bad relationships and suffered many kinds of abuse. Rape, verbal abuse and had controlling partners. Just to name a few. My dad is good to me, but he’s not brilliant. He’s very depressed and critical of people. He is there, but only if I REALLY need it. I’ve been homeless and hungry. Not on the streets but been in hostels and had no money. I was pregnant and eating one meal a day. The refuge and the church had to provide us with food, because my mother would only help us if we lived under her “conditions.” Now I am more settled in life and closer to family, I would like to get justice for what she has done. Yet I have no proof of what’s happened. She would never be violent or nasty in front of others. Only behind closed doors. I worry about my brother. I have called social services and they can’t find any evidence of cruelty. Although I know how she works. She was brilliant at hiding it. I cannot prove what she’s done, or what she could be doing. I never see my brother and its horrible just wondering day to day if hes suffering, the same way I did. She got a visit from social services and tried to turn it around on me. Telling them I’m a liar and that I’m harassing her. She sent me a solicitors letter accusing me of making her life miserable. The cheek! I don’t speak to anyone on her side of the family because I don’t even want her to know my new name. Let alone anything about my daughter. What she did is unforgivable. Yet I cannot prove it or get justice. For me or my brother. Everybody knows what she’s like, they’re just too scared to speak out.