As I lay here in my white silk linen bed sheets at 2 am. Watching as the haunting silhouettes creatively form on the walls of my safe haven from the vanilla candle that sits on my vanity table. The memories come flooding back. Moments from the past that I wish to forget. However, although people say you can forgive and forget, that truly isn’t the way the mind works at times. The mind is a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong, I mean the way it can box away wonderful and painful thoughts into personal storage, storage that is locked and protected by the walls you build up around them because you know whether they’re happy or sad memories, that they find a way to hurt you. It’s still mesmerising. It finds a way to make you remember the way things used to be, then before you know it you’re in that place of ghostly thoughts ,travelling down a dark memory lane trying to escape your own mind. This always happens to be 2 am.
I’m a dreamer you know, well, I prefer to dream. Not because I live in a fantasy world I don’t mean that kind of dreaming, I’m not the day dreamer kind. I’m a night dreamer, like an owl that never stops flying. I love to lay my head on a soft pillow and drift into a deep sleep to a world where you can be whoever you want without there being any limits, judgement and having no control over the extraordinary situations that emerge. I can’t say that when I’m sleeping is when I forget all my heartache and problems because that’s not true, if something’s on my mind I will dream about it until I go insane. However, it’s an escape from reality, a sense of freedom and it’s liberating. No worries, no cares. Just you and your loose soul exploring other country’s and coffee shops. That’s where I want to be at 2 am in the morning. Holding a hot mug of black coffee, looking out at New York City watching as couples pace through the streets holding hands, laughing with one another’s thoughts whilst the rest of the population sleeps. Not sad looking at shadows thinking about the way he damaged me and left me in a thousand pieces on the floor.