Hello, Mind reading my depressing life-story?
Why am I here? because I want to tell you how hard it is for me for the past seventeen years of my life.
I had a happy childhood, living in a peaceful suburban area, a nice house, and luxurious facilities. But one day, we had to move to a different town, on a completely different island because my dad retired from his work. At the time, our new house was not as nice as the previous house but I was 4 and have no time to worry about such things. It was nice, I guess… but a year later, when I was 5, I heard my mom crying in her room. I asked her what’s wrong, and she told me that my dad is having an affair. It was quite shocking for a 5 year old to hear, so I dashed to the phone and called my dad. I told him that he made mom cry, so I wouldn’t forgive him. But as a kid raised by a loving mother, I immediately called him again and told him I was sorry, and I forgive him.
I’m quite impressed with how calmly I handled things back there. But as years go by, the days became harder and harder to spend on. In 3rd grade, I had to move to a new city and live with my elder sister for a while because apparently my dad changed jobs. I think it was the 3rd time I had meet my sister, because she was in college when I was born. That was the beginning of my experience on sisterhood. We fought and fought all the time, to the point where my mom had to come in and separate us both. I can’t blame her, she was just a young adult back then and hated little brats like me. Our fight lasted 8 years.
She had 2 daughters now, and they were annoying, both in sound and action. They cried every single night, which is why I didn’t get enough sleep and had a hard time concentrating in my studies. We argued, mom came in, and my sister wins the argument. It was always like that. I had no chance of winning because I did not have any good comebacks. I became more stressed than I was before. And one day, after a bad school day, I argued with my sister again. And as always, she wins the argument. So I decided to channel my frustration to my annoying niece ( don’t get me wrong, I love her, I was just stressed okay) and called her the devil’s child. Later that day, I was crying it out (quietly) in my room when suddenly my sister stormed into the room questioning my rude behavior, especially to her child. She was insensitive, can’t she read the situation? I was crying, I was stressed the whole day, I was depressed. And that is when I threw furniture at my sister to push her out of the room. It was so brutal my mom came in and tried to comfort me. The next day, I was moved to an apartment near my school, I was fifteen back then. both my school and personal life became a mess, I lost my homework (somewhere in my room), blew my exams, got scolded by the teacher in front of the class, and not embarrassing enough, I cried during P.E. class. It was a mess. But after living alone in the small apartment and have more personal space and some me-time, I picked my self up and was able to get through 11th grade.
Now I’m seventeen, 12th grade. Things are beginning to break apart. I have no friends, my test scores are unsatisfying (despite the fact that I’ve spent so many nights studying), my dad’s overseas…still having an affair with the same woman (honestly I’m not surprised), and my mom’s having a really long vacation in Bali with my aunt and cousin. I feel really lonely, and I’m starting to feel that I became a burden for everyone. People expect me to become…someone and it has put a pressure on me for so long. I’m not suicidal, I know I can get through this. I’m just worried of what would I become in the next few years.
NOTE: Thank you for taking your time reading this, I don’t know who you are but I am thankful that someone out there, on the other side of the planet, cares for someone like me. I hope I could change the way you see your surroundings and remind you to be grateful with what you have.