Hello people. I’m just a guy who feels like he wants to share his story with the world. It’s a story about unfulfilled love, pain and suffering. I am really interested in seeing if any of you had similar experience.
A while ago I was in a relationship that was just turning 8 years old. We used to live for each other. All the free time that we had (which was a lot at first, because we were university students) we were spending it together. I can’t really say much more about this girl. I loved her and she loved me. I had my peace of mind with her, but it was also never boring around her.
We both come from a country which cannot provide many job opportunities for young scientists, so we eventually decided to leave. She wanted to continue her studies as a PhD student and I wanted to find a job on my field of expertise. She found her position first and I searched around her place. I could not find something very close, so I had to live in a different city, 1.5 hours away. Interestingly enough, we flew the same day, with the same plane, without planing it. It just happened as if it was meant to be.
It’s funny what some not so important distance combined with egoism can do to such a relationship. A month after we moved we were in a really bad situation. It was obvious that it wasn’t gonna last. We both weren’t happy.
Now that was just the side story, or more like the background of what is going to follow.
I was in the situation described above. Not happy at all that I saw my relationship falling to pieces. Plus I had to deal with a stressful (at that point) job and being in a country that I don’t speak the language and I know no one. Still, I kept my shit together because I didn’t have much of a choice.
Exactly one month after I moved in, another tenant moved out. It was Saturday night and we were waiting for the new girl to arrive. And she did. I have to say that I never believed this thing called “love at first sight”. Up to that point. The moment she entered the house I felt the time stopping for a while. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen! I lost my words, I didn’t know what to say. After a while we exchanged some words, she sure was tired and she went to sleep almost directly. I didn’t sleep at all that night. And many other nights that followed.
I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. It was totally ridiculous. I didn’t even know the girl!
I got to know her on the following days. We were spending quite some time talking. I found out that she was heartbroken by some guy. She was very fragile and in a really bad shape emotionally. Sometimes she had tears in her eyes. I was trying to make her feel better but it never worked.
It was a week after she moved in. I was going to visit my girlfriend, mostly to end things in a nice way. Before I left we had breakfast together. Then she found a dog toy in the house. She found it really funny and started laughing. My heart skipped a beat or two. It was the most beautiful laugh I’ve experienced in my life.
I left a few days to pass by and then I talked to her. I told her that I like her and so on. I kind of lost my words, it was really stressful. My mouth went dry instantly. She rejected me, claiming that it was too early for her, because of the story with that other guy (to this day I don’t know the name of that motherfucker, so I’m just gonna call him like this). I was pretty stubborn though and I talked to her a week later again. She rejected me again.
Some days later I really fucked things up at work and I was afraid I was gonna get fired. I came home late and I was really sad (for both reasons). She came home even later and she unexpectedly knocked on my door (we were keeping some distance at this point, had to do with me being creepy and telling her things). She saw that I was in a bad place and she stayed for a while with me. I forgot everything work related. I was happy that we seemed to be okay again. She went to her room and a bit later we started exchanging texts (she started it). In the end she implied that I should hug her the next time I see her.
I saw her the next day and I did hug her. And it was great! Then I saw her two days later and I told her to come to my room. I hugged her and started kissing her on the neck. She told me to stop. We stayed awkwardly in my room for a while. Then I hugged her again and we started kissing. I still remember that moment, it is stuck in my head forever.
The days that followed were weird. She was always hesitating being with me too much. When we were together we were pretty intimate. But after a while she was going back to her room. It was a nightmare for me! We talked about it and she said that she can’t really be with me and this can only be a temporary thing.
I tried really hard to get closer to her. And guess what. I did. All I wanted at that point was to be with her, I didn’t care about anything else! We quickly went a trip to another country and it was amazing! Each day after work we were always together.
What I probably must have told you already is that she only moved to my place for 3 months. Then she would go back to her old place to finish her studies. So there I was, realizing that she will be gone in a week. I couldn’t believe it! Thing is, she had told me already that this would end when she moves again. My hands were tight, I was losing the woman that I’ve loved more than anything and I couldn’t do anything anymore!
The day she left was the most difficult day I had faced up to that point. I called her the same day, I told her how much I love her and that I want to be with her no matter what! That was stupid of me, she knew that already, she didn’t want any of this.
We kept talking on a daily basis. One week later I told her that I miss her terribly and I wanted to visit her during the weekend. She was working both the days but she wanted to see me as well. I traveled twelve hours, just to see her for two and to sleep together for one night. I would do it again. Hell, I would do it every weekend if that’s what she wanted!
We planned to see each other one last time somewhere in between a month after she left. We spent one and a half days together. It was probably the most awesome time that we spent together. We were both really excited. She started sending me texts more frequently afterwards.
Some time passed by and she told me that she wanted to visit me for some days. I couldn’t believe it! And she did, for three days. She was leaving and I was sad. But I had to ask her the difficult question. “What now? How do we proceed?”.
I don’t remember the exact words she told me because I felt like passing out for a while. But it was something like this: “Look, I really enjoy spending time with you. I like you, you treat me good. But the thing is, I don’t feel anything about you, so I think we shouldn’t see each other again”. And we never did.
It’s been three months since that day. I thought that time would help. It’s still inclining. I feel worse and worse every day. I really wish it will stop at some point…
When I was with my ex-girlfriend I thought that I knew what love is. Maybe I was right, maybe the feelings that I have for this other girl mean that I have some kind of mental illness.
Every other aspect of my life is going great. But this particular one is not allowing me to feel any kind of happiness. Meeting her was a great misfortune for me. If i didn’t know that she exists I would probably be happy right now. But unfortunately I do, thus I know that I need her in my life to be complete. Makes you wonder if meeting this kind of love is really worth the risk.