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My grandparent moved into our house for what should have been a couple of months, but this is what has happened

My parents and siblings have been the only family I’ve ever known. I barely know my extended family except for a few visits to the country where my parents immigrated from. I can’t really relate to my extended family but it’s never really bothered me and I’ve respected and cared about them from afar. Recently, my mom applied for a Visa for her mother to come and stay with us here and it all worked out. Now my whole family has to live with this complete stranger who turned out to be more annoying and unpleasant than I’d ever imagined my Grandma to be, before she came to live with us. My dad is unhappy but unwilling to risk his relationship with my mom to complain about the situation. My mom is making decisions regarding her mother’s stay without consulting any of us. I had anticipated Grandma staying for maybe 2 months at most (summer vacation) but my Mom planned for her to stay for 6 months. My siblings and I don’t feel comfortable in our own house; we don’t like to go downstairs for food or anything anymore because Grandma is always there. She isn’t abusive or anything extreme but she grosses us all out, she nags us a lot, and there is a language barrier in our communication. We can’t relate to her and she can’t relate to us. Instead of getting to know her bit by bit, we’ve all come to resent her for living here and changing our lifestyle. I’m the eldest child so I held out the longest in being kind and welcoming to her, but after two months, I couldn’t muster up the energy to pretend to be a kind and generous host to her anymore. I had to go back to school and now the only person who even speaks to her is my mother. My mother is already making plans to bring her mom back every year for 6 months until her Visa expires (3 years) or until she gets a permanent Visa. All of my siblings and I want to move out. My dad doesn’t live with us for his work so Grandma usually sleeps and shares my mom’s bedroom and bathroom but whenever dad visits, Grandma gets my youngest sibling’s room and we’re all forced to share our bathroom with her while my youngest sibling is basically homeless for weeks and sleeps in our rooms. My mom thinks all of us kids are selfish for not offering our rooms to Grandma in turns or spending time with her. We feel guilty but at the same time, we don’t feel that it’s fair for our mom to do this to all of us. No one is happy and my mom has definitely chosen her own mother over her own kids. She cooks according to her mother’s taste (which we don’t like) and she buys things specifically because her mom requests them. We want my mom to go visit her mom in her country but my mom doesn’t want that because she feels more comfortable here. We have grown to resent both my mom and Grandma and living at home is almost unbearable. I didn’t used to have this much hatred in my heart but I’m almost afraid at how much I hate my mom and Grandma now. All of us are still in school for some time so we can’t move out yet otherwise we would. I used to love my mom so much and before she lived here, this was my favourite Grandparent. Something will change but I’m afraid our family will fracture because of my mom’s selfish desire to spend time with mom at the expense of her relationship with her husband and children. Are we in the wrong here? I did my best but 6 months is just too much to tolerate a total stranger. I miss my mom too; she wasn’t always this terrible and although she’s always been this inconsiderate, this is the most selfish thing she’s ever done to our family. My dad has never tried to mix his old family with his new family even though culturally, he would be okay to that.

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