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Presently I’m 25 and proud mother

Presently I’m 25 and proud mother of a 7 month old Baby girl. I’m posting the story of my life as a guide to all blossoming youth and I wish nobody has a childhood like mine which was almost left unenjoyed. My story happens in Kerala, India. I, Nirupama was born on 30th December 1991 to a very elite but unsound family. I was the youngest of two children, my elder was a brother and his name Nidhin. My mom and pap didn’t have a happy marriage and from the point I remember, they were always found fighting with each other for unknown reasons that were far beyond our knowledge at that age. We used to get in between their fights without actually knowing who was at fault really. We used to go for tours in and around India for vacations and once we went for an exhibition (I don’t remember actually, I think I was about 1 or 2 years at that time as my mom told me about this), we happened to look for mini video game for device for Nidhin and someone handed over a video game in my hand or maybe I picked it. Nobody actually saw that i was holding this in my hands. We were with other relatives and somebody with us actually pointed out that I had this in my hands after we left the Exhibition site. Nidhin thus got a video gaming device for free and what I got (remember i was just a baby then) was the image of a thief which has really hurt me later. I always wanted a younger sister in our family and it was when my aunty gave birth to a baby girl, when i was 8 years old. In our culture, we do conduct a naming ceremony after completing one month of birth where people can also give gifts for the baby in the form of gold,dresses etc. She received a lot of jewellery as gifts. I was there for the ceremony and also used to visit the baby whenever we had time. One day, that aunty came to our house saying that one pair of the baby’s earrings was missing and she suspects me to have stolen it. My mom was shocked at her remark and replied confidently that I won’t do such a thing. She didn’t believe and she asked me where the earrings are. I replied that i don’t know where the earrings are.she left without a word and I felt really hurt for being treated like a culprit for something I never ever committed or even thought of. I may have been 8 years but see i was treated more like a grown up. As i grew older, i was 10 then,whenever my aunty and grandmother saw me dancing and playing with that then 3 year old baby, used to tease me like I wasn’t matured. I used to wonder what they called maturity? As days passed, their teasing never became less and now they started comparing me with older people like women about maybe 23 or 24 years old at that time who had behavior problems. I was confused that I just stopped talking and playing thinking it was what they meant by the term maturity. they again didn’t leave me, and then their reason was my silence. i started developing a complex like something was actually wrong with me and was becoming a puppet in the hands of others. i never had much friends from then. I was shy to perform even things even i was good at. It made me a person without a true identity in front of others.People used to talk bad behind my back about me which I often heard and was hurt and for which I never replied. I never found solace in my real life and at the same time, I gotta cell phone with access to the internet. i made accounts in social networking sites and made friends with people i knew and even strangers. On finding that strangers were better interested in me than of others I knew in person, I used my time with them and fell in love with many boys and often ended up with broken heart as they wanted sex and not was something I never knew and wasn’t interested. I may have been cheated but I was still a virgin. It was at that time I found that my father wasn’t really interested with my mother and found interest in looking at young girls,for which i really felt ashamed and started defending him whenever he fought with my Mom. He used to beat her up even for simple things and I used to defend him and beat him like he beated mom. I really loved my mother then but all her attention was shifted towards Nidhin who was a bright student and first ranker in class.I was not that good in studies and got less attention from her,it also might have affected me that I became too sensitive and cried even for the silliest things. My college life was the worst one anybody would ever be able to imagine but I had a good friend who was the light there, who was the one who helped me to walk out of the darkness I was in,Meenu, she understood that I was in some kind of problems and helped me break out of the thoughts and of the strange affairs I was in.but that wasn’t helping me much as after I left college I spend time in public chats and fell in love with a guy who claimed to be my brother Nidhin’s friend of friend. I had the worst of experiences with him and by Go’s sake while I was doing my PG, my hostel warden who came to know about my affair informed my parents about this and they helped me get over this relation which I was fed up but couldn’t give up. After completing about 2 years without access to internet and after undergoing a bit of counselling, my guardian angel came and asked for my hand. yup, I got married by the year 2014,to Rajeev, who was my neighbor but we never met and he never knew of my darkest past and even i never wanted to look back. it was the best part of my life after my marriage even though many losses were there in his family including his father who died of cancer. but i was happy of finally getting a true love and true friend for life and I loved him with no limits and even wondered what I should give him for the love,trust and care that he gives me without even asking me about my past. I love him a lot and finally got blessed with this baby angel who is our beat to get our life going. He is my mentor now who helps me get over my behavioral problems which I developed because of the problems in the way I was brought up. he is my teacher now.

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