Hello people, I’m eighteen years old and living a good life. I’ve got the best mother you could wish for and a great job (part time secretary in a hospital). A few days ago my superior called me and told me there’s a full time place for me in an ambulance (sitting behind a counter an administrate patients) in another part of the hospital. Of course I agreed, twenty hours per week was just too less and brought too little money. I should be just thankful for my job but honestly I’m so sad that I have to leave my current workplace. You can’t imagine how much this hurts but I don’t know why, the nursing staff was great but I don’t think that that’s the reason why I’m feeling like that. Okay, there were like two guys with whom I got along very well and one of them is such an beautiful human being. Not his outer appearance but the way he moves and treats others. I’ve learned so much here I just don’t want to go away. I mean, at my new workplace there are nice people too, but not as inspiring and graceful one like them. There’s no way back now and I didn’t really had a choice because we need that money urgently. Oh god I don’t even know why I’m crying like a baby all the time. It fells like in high school, like that time I was so depressed. Like real depressions with suicide thoughts and everything. I just don’t want anymore, I know all the people I’m leaving there at my work are gonna be fine without me but that hurts so much. I also know that the job I’m going to have is a lot more boring, like I’ve got a lot less things to do and I am a worker, the worst thing for me is to have nothing to do and stare holes in the air. Why the fuck am I felling like that I hate it. Nothing of those things i loved doing in my free time makes fun anymore. I just want to see nobody and be left alone. I’m feeling so useless and childish.
I don’t know why I’m writing this here but my friends just don’t understand me, or don’t want to understand me. They always say hey, you’re gonna be alright everything will be fine but how the fuck should everything end up fine when I’m felling like this. Life is fucking unfair. always.
Sorry for my bad English and grammar, my native language is German so don’t hate.