Share one of your life's stories:

When writing your story, please use correct spelling and grammar. Please use a capital I rather than a lower i, and use apostrophes correctly. Such as I'm, don't, can't.

This is how I really feel

I should be happy things are over, because she never showed any appreciation of the things I gave up for her, my time, my career, and my happiness. Everything I did was to keep her happy and yet still not enough to make her happy, the way she left me and the way she played with my heart was so uncalled for, the simple fact that she doesn’t care about me as a human being when I did nothing wrong to her angers me because how can someone be so cold to the person who showed and gave nothing but love to her. It all makes no sense it is as if she never really cared about me or loved me, maybe she just didn’t want to be alone, maybe she was scared to be alone, or maybe just maybe she simply lied to me for all these years because she’s a horrible human being. Whatever the case is, it doesn’t matter anymore, she left me for a reason I will never fully understand, reasons that she always swore and promise wouldn’t make us break up, yet it happened.

She says there’s no one else, she swears it yet I can’t believe her, all the trust I had for her, it’s all gone, I no longer believe anything she says, am I crazy, or am I simply right for once.

I guess she was never ready to settle, perhaps she thought she was ready for a marriage and a family, now I’m the one who has to suffer, I’m the one who’s paying the price for her not being ready. She chose me as a life partner yet she chose to let me go. She never even show sadness, now instead she’s as happy as ever, partying, drinking, smoking and hanging out with friends she never really cared for. This could be a way of her dealing with her emotions, although I find that very hard to believe, I guess it is normal that I think the worse. Maybe this is just a phase of hers, maybe she woke up and realised she’s only 20, or maybe she woke up and realised that everything was a lie, her future, her dreams and hopes, everything changed because she was forcing those thoughts, and the moment she stop forcing them she realised it’s not what she really wanted, maybe that’s right, maybe it is not phase and just the life style she wants and desires.

Honestly it doesn’t simply upset me because my wife left me, or because now I’m all alone. It upsets me because I hate to see her throw her life away like that, I mean partying and drinking is fun and games but it doesn’t last forever, and nothing good comes out of it. That’s not the life I wish for her, she can do great things with her time, and be a great mother. I hate to see her waste her body and money that way, just the thought of her with someone else is enough to make me want to punch everything I see, no matter how much I try to accept the fact that she will move on quicker than me, or that she will have plenty of guys around her, it is simply unbearable, she was once mine, her body, her mind, her lips even laughter, it was all for me.

I’m sitting here typing facts and feelings at the same time trying things I been told to do to make myself better. Yet so far it is not working, I have tears in my eyes as I type this.

I guess I’m doing this because a huge part of me wants to share it with the world and feel bad for me, maybe then and only then she will take me back. Sounds stupid I know, at this moment nothing will bring her back to me, nothing at all, and it hurts so much trying to give up on her. In fact it is impossible, she has made a huge impact in my life and I don’t want to see her go, I need her next to me, I need her to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok, I need to hear her heart beat so I can finally have a good night sleep. I miss her so much.

I started this with the intentions of realising why I am better off without her, yet here I am crying and unable to find an answer to that, because at the end of the day, she made me a better version of myself. Now with her gone, I am so scared of what is going to happen to me, I can’t find a reason to do things anymore.

I know I messed up in so many ways, I know I didn’t do right by her, and all I can say is that I am very sorry, it was never my intention to hurt her or to make her feel unloved. I wish she would give me another chance to show her that I can make her happy again. Everyone knows that she can be happy without me, even I know that, however I can assure you that with me she can be happier.

We have had great times together and just like any couple we have had our ups and downs, but always stayed strong, we always judged other couples, hell we even knew how we were going to raise our children. I don’t want to give up on any of this, I don’t want to give up on you, us, our future and our dreams, I refuse to give up.

However not of that matters, she had made up her mind, and as always, she is very stubborn. I guess that’s why I love her so much.

No one will most likely read this, ever, yet the only person I wish would read this is her.

I have never done anything like this before, I am obviously no poet, however I am trying my hardest to express my feelings like never before.

Every choice I have made so far in life has been wrong, the only good choice I have made was to marry her, I chose to have her by my side for the rest of my life, and I will never regret that.

I have done some terrible things that pushed her away from me, I get angry, I say and do things I don’t mean. My life style has also pushed her away from me. Even my physical appearance managed to push her away from me, my laziness, my hygiene, and my financial status. Basically she has more reasons to not be with me than reasons to be with me, and that is all my fault, I forgot how to show her love, I forgot how to show appreciation and I forgot to show her why she chose me every day.

Honestly no matter how I see it, it is all my fault, no matter how hard I try to nip pick stuff or to find issues with her, I can’t find them. All the issues start and end with me, I am a mess, a lousy husband and I deserve this pain.

This has been a huge wake up call, and even though I want to achieve great things and do all the stuff I couldn’t do for her, I just can’t find a good enough reason to do it.
It is easy for people to say, do it for yourself and focus on yourself, but they don’t understand that everything I have done, do, and will do is for her, to show her that I can be the guy of her dreams, but it is too late now, I want to advance in life with her by my side, not alone, not without her.

I know I’m not rich but I am valuable, I never pretend to be someone I am not because I am good at being me. I might not be proud of many things I have done in the past but I am proud of what we became together, we were not perfect but we didn’t need to be. There is still so much for us to explore and accomplish together but it is all a fantasy now, one that I will never stop having,
I wasn’t enough for her and never will be.

Leave an anonymous comment