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I have come to accept that I will never see you again

I have come to accept that I will never see you again, hold you again, kiss you again, or look into those glowing blue eyes again. I know I messed that up for both of us. It’s my fault. I understand if you don’t love or miss me anymore. I understand if you no longer think about me. You are always on my mind, and it hurts that the days of expressing my thoughts of you are no more.

I have been slowly disconnecting myself from you, but it is physically painful like a bad toothache. At times, I feel so stupid that I fell for you like this. I feel so stupid that I made myself vulnerable. We had something very special. It began to blossom into something so rare and beautiful, but I killed it before we had the chance to marvel in it. I regret that every day. It eats at me. I even cry sometimes knowing I pushed away the very person whose only intentions were to love and protect me. I will never forget when you said, “You are under my protection.” It seems that is no longer the case.

Although you have said we are still friends, the past set of texts we’ve exchanged felt awkward. When I sent the text about coming to see you, I felt pushback and decided not to press the issue any further. Quite frankly, I don’t think a visit down your way will ever happen. Plus, I caught wind that you were in my neck of the woods twice, but you never texted me which let me know, most likely, we are done.

Maybe it’s pointless writing this, knowing it will never reach you, but I hope in some way, shape, or form, I still love you and always will even if the feeling is not reciprocated. Your number is still in my phone. I read over the texts prior to the fateful day that ended our relationship every now and then. I dream about the time we cuddled in bed and became part of each other. Maybe ripping me from you energetically was easy as you already have everything you need in life and then some. It is not the case for me.

There are times when I want to send you a YouTube link to a cool song I found or let you know I love and miss you, but I now hold back and stare at your phone number along with the photo of you that I have in my contact list. It is one of my favorite photos of us and the only one I have aside from a selfie I took with you in it. We never discussed what happened. Maybe it isn’t necessary as neither of us are assets in each other’s lives. It isn’t like it is detrimental if we don’t discuss and make amends. Whatever you are doing nowadays, I know you are enjoying yourself. As for me, I am doing my best to get over this regret, but it is hard. I love you so much. I wish you knew.

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