I’m so sad. I feel like total crap. The man that I love and married 8/31/2016 is a complete lie. I was with him since Sept.19,2015. It has been the worst year of my life. I’m 44. I gave in a dated him and fell in love with his gentle side, I had no idea his other side, he is a monster. Cut to the chase he hit me so many times, I would leave and some how my heart wouldn’t let go. He was so cruel. I left this last time for six weeks and was getting out from under his thumb just to be drawn back. So he hasn’t hit me this time, a little but not all crazy like before. He took away all my social media, cut me off from family an friends, except from my child. He took away my cell phone 3 weeks ago like the first week of November 2016. Then he go crazy accusing me I’m doing dishonest things behind his back. Which I wasn’t, I figured it was his wrong doings that were making him accuse me. So on black Friday he left and didn’t come home. It killed me that night waiting till the sun came up. When he did come home at 1pm he had to leave for a family party on Saturday evening. He came home Sunday at 4:30am and fell fast asleep. I didn’t want to do it but I looked threw anyway and found the sad reality, I was married to a cheating liar, that by the way was still married, talking to her and two more women. With in two days I was gone. Now I know I did the right thing by leaving but now I feel so depressed and I miss him so much. I miss a monster. I hate myself and I hate my situation. Will I never find a good person to share my life with. I thought I had it bad before with my Ex-boyfriend, at least he was wealthy and never hit me. He’ll never take me back. It sucks to be me. I really feel horrible, I’m so hurt, I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything will work out. Instead I have no one, I know things will get better, I just wish I could press fast forward. Lord help me please, I feel like dying.
I also dated a monster, and I actually left him a few times but he would find his way back into my life saying sweet things to me and then being exactly as he was before, a monster. I always fell again for him because I did love his gentle side just like you said, but the good memories with him were then very few compared to the bad ones so like you I left and it was incredibly hard. I felt like I was trying to run a marathon it was so emotionally exhausting. I missed him too after, and I knew if he contacted me I would fall again for him, and he was very insistent when he wanted to be. So I changed numbers, changed everything he knew about me and didn’t look back. I missed him terribly too and wished to contact him but I had made it impossible for myself to contact him too (part of my plan) and so days, weeks and months passed by and I was repulsed by the idea of him by now. I had met a lovely man whom I didn’t think would become serious, literally I was scared of men and I had just put myself out there to see what its like. He has tried to contact me like 3 times in the last 2 years and every time in a new surprising way as well, but now I detest him, I cannot believe how can someone so low and inhuman walk this earth and how could I let him abuse me like that. Its not ideal to feed off hate, but its where Im at and what let me “move on”. I still get this sudden urge of wanting to slap him and kick him and burn his house down, just pure absolute hate towards the man, but nobody will ever treat me like that again and I can see men of the same nature from miles away, so thats what I take from this experience. It will never happen to us again because we are more clever than that.