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I’ve been misjudged and misunderstood by people and society

So… before you read this please understand that I’m having trouble while expressing my feelings.
Actually… I shouldn’t be using this I’m only 12 anyways.
So… all my life I’ve been misjudged and misunderstood by people and society. My behaviour is “not accepted” by my family and relatives and I don’t want to disappoint them like the failure I am? Right? So, I just fake a smile I constantly tell myself to shut up and stop being a poser, compared to others my sadness and anger is actually nothing, I should stop lying to myself. I want something awful to happen to me so bad because I can’t stand myself nor I can’t stand the world. Look at these people complaining about problems they started and they have been not able to solve them
,look at how selfish our society is expecting everyone to be a perfect little angel, disrespecting each other’s beliefs while defending our own. What are we now? A total mess. I can’t help it there is a lot of bad and evil and this world that I can’t fight so I’m considered useless, right? People say be “yourself” and everything will be alright, being myself caused people to hate me. I’m sorry I never met your expectations…like I said I’m a failure…I can’t exactly get rid of myself because “god” (if he even exists) gave me this body to take care of, so I’m going to disappoint you people and god…but I should get rid of myself as fast as possible before I do something really bad. You know what?! I don’t care anymore, I don’t care what happens to this world, to my so-called friends who only know my fake side, to my family who think I’m okay. I give up…mock me and make fun of me all you want; I know I’ve never been through a lot compared to other people’s suffering and pain. I’m just broken. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t hate people, but I do at the same time, so what am I anyways? A waste of space? Something that absorbs the pain others give me? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for existing. My life is meaningless to the point where it does not matter that if I live or not, and don’t YOU EVEN DARE to pity me, I hate people who pity me, I deserve this, just like how you deserve your life right? You’re worthy to live, I’m not.
There, I feel like I’m going crazy, I but I can’t melt down, instead I keep a straight face the whole day that makes them happy, right? But, I said I didn’t care if they were happy or not, yeah, I don’t care about them. I should pay attention and see what horrible and selfish actions people commit for their needs, constantly reminding myself “The world is bad, never ever trust someone, for the sake of staying “good”” People think of me as the “Bad guy” and they are the “Good guys” every time shattering my hopes and dreams, I’m dull and empty now. The world is evil, I don’t want to interact with selfish beings who claim to be “Good” and “Understanding” Ha, I’m too young for this aren’t I? I still have never found someone who understands me, what I think of as “Good” people think of it as “Bad” I want to do something, to make this world a better place, but I gave up. I’m just going to sit here while people keep accusing me of being cruel and cold. I don’t feel anything, my parents loved me, provided me with everything I needed, yet I still think I’d be better off without them, I feel really angry when someone claims to care about me. This is fake, nothing is real there is so much bad and evil in this world YET these stupid ignorant people continue acting normal and go on with their life, in the end they will regret it, but I’m being selfish right now aren’t I? That’s proof right there that I’m a poor excuse of a human being who thinks that she is good. I don’t want any person in my useless pathetic life anymore, they are wasting their time to some terrible person…and so are you, whoever you are, wasting your time reading about my opinion that the “minority” think of, great, I’m beginning to get crazy. I swear from now on, I will never ever in a thousand years let anyone get too close to me, because whoever they will be they will waste their time to a cruel person like me. I don’t believe that everything is going to be okay, instead everything is going downhill. Please, I beg you though whoever you are, and if you read until this point to at the very least remember my opinion, I know you think of me as a weak and pathetic excuse of a girl, but please remember me or my opinion. I don’t matter, I’ve been forgotten by my relatives as I am the “observer” I just watch people’s perfect lives or just watch people who are in pain and just sit there and do nothing. I’m being too dramatic, hahaha you won’t believe this but, there’s this little voice reminding me every time that in the end, I’m going to kill every single one who hurt me badly, Oh my god I’m being too dramatic now. I have to go…I just hope…that someone will finally understand me.

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