Back in school, I was a topper. But I was never obsessed with my achievements. Hardworking and ambitious. I still am. Presently, I’m in my first year in college (Computer Science). I have somehow managed to land among the most logical and intelligent students there are in my country. But however intelligent they maybe, they are not at all humble. They often make me realise that I don’t match their level. I work hard day in and night out to improve myself.
Yeah, I’m a slow learner but I try to cover that up with my hard work. Coding doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’m trying. I want to do it. I don’t want to give up.
But there are times when I feel as if I shouldn’t have come on this Earth. There is no reason for me to be alive. I feel like screaming.
I want to cry. But I can’t
Because if I cry, my eyes will burn…and then, I won’t be able to study.
I’ve sacrificed a lot of things to get here. I don’t party or go out often or laze my time away. I can’t remember the last poem I wrote or the last time I sat in a park and felt the breeze brush against my face… I have forgotten what rain feels like when it pours down my face…I have lost all touch with mother Nature… But will sacrificing all this pay off??
What hurts the most is when you sacrifice so much to learn something and end up losing your confidence. I am at the global minima of my life till now.
I feel better now…