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I’m always conflicted in my feelings

I’m always conflicted in my feelings.
So I’m a twenty-year-old guy, I’m nothing special. I’m not ugly also no handsome.
I’ve been single my whole life, never been in any relationship. Every time I get a chance to get into a relationship I always manage to either chicken out of it or it just doesn’t give me any favours… Like I’ve liked a lot of girls but it never ends up good. Some end up not liking me, this one girl I liked randomly turned lesbian, or they just generally ignore me and move on… The latest one is a kicker I met this girl I really like her but she says she doesn’t want any relationships she wants to grow old as single mother one day…

Do I have a bad personality? Do I have a low self-esteem? Or am I just not cut out for this whole relationship thing?
Oh and bad childhood blah blah, got abused physically and mentally and all that B.S, my dad almost killed me a few times through anger and stuff but by gone be by gone. Here comes the me being all sad and say stupid stuff:

Maybe through my life of being the “useless”, “good for nothing”, “Failure” Son. Could it have affected me? Well I always feel like if I find a girl she would be my princess because every girl needs a princess regardless of anything but I might never be a good knight, so it doesn’t matter if I get a princess a better knight will always come along. A better knight, with a bigger sword and much more noble.

Isn’t life a kick in the head? Well I can’t say my life wasn’t the worst *laughs* I mean I grew up tough but I’m not dumb life could have been much worse. So yeah this was a failed attempt at a pity party.

Oh, one last thing I’m not like so wanting a relationship for the sex no, no truth be told I just want it so that I can have someone to give all my strength to and love and that someone will love me.

And I’m done


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