I am domestic violence survivor. Sound simple? Well, it’s not. It’s very complicated and recovery, well its very complicated too and often other people don’t help it any.
That’s what I’m experiencing now – other people’s interference. And that can also lead to being re-abused or re-traumatized.
I have a Psychology degree. I am not a licensed counsellor, but I have learned a great deal about domestic abuse, through my own experience.
First, I wish we could rid the world of domestic abuse. It’s awful and it’s just caused because people want power and control over others.
But it’s still more common than any of us want to think. And in my case, it’s a complicated mess at present.
What they don’t tell you when you try to get away from your abuser, is that getting away from him (or her) is not going to cure you. There are a million other complications, and there is discrimination too.
So, for instance, tonight I am staying at a hotel. I have a good reason for being here: I am relocating back to a town where I have work. No mystery in that.
But because the man at the hotel thinks a single woman, all by herself is odd (and because I just sustained a mild head injury from a fall which is not serious, but I was stupid enough to mention it), then I am right now being “watched”. The owner is not here, and has people coming in to “check” on me, and it is “freaking” me out!
I get this type of thing all the time. How can you have comfort and just have space to heal your life – get help if you need it – get legal and financial help and just get back on your feet again, when other people make it impossible?
Well, good question!
And that is where this gets terribly complicated.
It’s getting worse too. This is my second time in this town. The first time went relatively well and I had decent work, and that’s why I returned.
But this time, it’s like I’m being observed where I go. I am trying not to be freaked out, but paranoia isn’t paranoia if it’s true! (and in this case, people are reacting oddly to me)
Well, I suppose I will get through it. I leave here tomorrow and will note never to come back here. I may also note something about this on something like Trip Advisor.
I will survive. I will move on. But I am tired.
And that’s the thing: I’m tired. I’m tired of being kicked, being told to “get out” when I did nothing wrong, and believe it or not, happens all the time to me now!
And what is worse, I am gentle, kind, used to be very sweet, and now I put up with this discrimination!
It’s discouraging. It’s hard. It hurts.
That’s just it: Abuse hurts. And it keeps on hurting! Because other people aren’t very smart about how to respond to it – and that’s why I write this tonight.
If you have read this, thank you for reading it. If you wish me well then thank you. I don’t know if I will be well, but I am doing my best.