This darkness inside, it eats me alive. This sadness I feel, it can’t be real. My life is a dream, I’ve got all that I need. Yet I lie here in bed, wishing I were dead.
So much love all around and beauty to see. Yet I fall to the ground from the pain inside me. My family, my friends, the only reason I’m here. This pain I will hide, I can’t make them fear.
I’m not good enough for all that I have. I do not deserve all or their love. I have to do better, I need to do more. It’s not enough, I’m not enough.
My eyes, they are burning from all of my tears. My heart feels so broken from all of my fears. Got to pick myself up, get it together. Get through one more day, it’ll get better. I just have to remember, it’ll get better.
These scales, they keep tipping. I’m up and I’m down. But where is the middle? Nowhere to be found.
Can’t focus, can’t work. Wait… what was I doing? So many things that I’ve lost, then couldn’t remember. Wait… what was I saying? I still can’t remember.
So tired, can’t wake up. So up, I can’t sleep. It doesn’t matter if I count some sheep. The sadness takes over, nothing gets done. It doesn’t matter. Who cares.
Shit! What a mess, so much to do! I’m freaking out, feels like I’m the only one who: does laundry, does dishes, sweeps, vacuums, mops. The yard is a mess. What’s up with this dust?
I just want to go out and play in the creek. The healing waters run over my feet. Oh, look at this treasure, it glistens in the sun. Why do I ever have to leave this fun? Mother nature and I, we belong together. Why can’t I play outside forever?
I’m just so uncomfortable inside and out. Something is missing, I can’t figure it out. I am just aching outside and in. Nothing is helping, I can’t seem to win. I’m just so tired yet I never can sleep. The emotions run deep, they cause me to weep. What sets me off? I never can tell but you better steer clear when I start to yell. Help me please, to escape my own hell. I’m lost somewhere, in this hollow – imperfect – shell.
Slipping. Slipping. It’s all slipping away. The things that we’ve worked for, looking forward to the day. The day we had everything, the life that we dreamed. Now here it is, ripping apart at the seams. It’s slipping and ripping because of my disarray. My brain keeps on tripping, I just lie here and pray. Pass that bottle on over, time to forget this sad day. Don’t worry I’m just sipping, I want to smile and play. A little shot, it won’t kill me. Maybe two or three more. How in the hell did I get to my door? I’m sloppy, and floppy. What a silly stupid slut. Still I’m so sad, way deep in my gut. We fight kick and scream, what’s it really about? Is not what we think it’s because we’re losing out. We’re losing our dream, and filling with doubt.