I am a young man. I don’t believe in hope, or faith anymore. I lost all hope because whilst I was younger I suffered from a Mental disability known as Autism. My parents still talk to me about how If I don’t do better in school then I will be suffering for the rest of my life. I have 4 F’s out of my 7 classes. I am slowly sinking under my own depression that I have to run past every day. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I will make my parents proud. That I will make them believe that I can do things in the real world. I have decided I will make my mark and get into a college by football. I had a massive weight gain when I was younger. Three hundred pounds onto my already tiny 5th grade figure of one hundred and twenty pounds. I was an air breathing whale. I dropped two hundred of those pounds over a summer through extreme starvation. I have now dedicated myself to day in and day out exercise and non-stop sit ups until I vomit. And due to my constant habit to skip meals, I have begun to cough up blood. I can’t sleep at night because whenever I close my eyes I always end up having a nightmare about what my life will be like in a while. And how I can never live with myself if I failed it. This is my last goal in my life. The only one I have left. I cannot Screw this one over, because if I do. My life will go down the drain quicker than cold water. I am already starting to notice flaws in my health and my own mental stability. I fear if I continue I won’t live to thirty. But I suppose if I have a wife and kids. Then they can go on, and do things better in life. Have the life I could never have because of the disability that god cursed my soul to have. I hope he has mercy on my offspring Lord help my soul. My life was not the easiest, or the best. But it is a life that I can proudly say is mine. Would I trade it away? In a heartbeat. Would I if it meant that someone else had to have it? No way Hose aye. It is my suffering and I prefer to have it to hurt me. No one deserves to be trapped in their own mental prison. The fact I am is just a consequence of God’s judgement on my soul. I can see he made the right choice seeing how bad of a man I really am. All of these thoughts. Yet I am so young. Eighth grade in a middle school. Thank you for listening to my story. I just searched up this website and decided I could use it to vent about my life since when I tell it to anyone I know they almost fall asleep in boredom.
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