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My Uni Application Wasn’t Really Mine

I am a 19-year-old male attending first year of university in England. Didn’t really have this conversation in my head where you ask yourself WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DO before leaving my country. Just at some point decided that I wanted to get out of here. Go overseas and do shit. So, it was quick. A dear friend told me: you, let’s go to uni in Scotland. I agreed and was pretty motivated to do this thing. This happened in my senior year in high school. Things kind of went a different way and I ended up in England. The lamest thing I have to admit is that even the personal statement for my uni application wasn’t really 100% mine. I asked my cousin to develop my personal statement. By saying developed it means I did write the foundation of the whole personal statement itself. My cousin just developed, simple as that. There was point when I felt like quitting/changing courses. I was missing like shit load of lectures but still getting the assignments done. Right now, I am trying to start attending lectures normally as a student would. But setting this matter aside the problem lies in the fact that it has been some time since I started feeling this emotional emptiness in my heart. All of the new people I met so far in this English city don’t really feel like real homies despite practically having the same nationality. And now I am just sitting in my messy dorm room and thinking why the fuck am I writing this.

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