I’m a teenager, soon to be 18. I’m a patient of diabetes since when I was 7 years old. It was hard for people to believe that such a young girl is suffering with the most deadly disease. I cried a lot when the reports reached home, but now I don’t cry, I have learned to live with it. Despite knowing the fact that diabetes is the reason behind every other life-threatening disease, still I have learned. My family has been doing a lot, getting my medicines (I have to take insulin four times a day), people who know, try and sympathize, I don’t need it. The more I try to run away, the more it seems to get hold of me. Recently I discovered I have PCOS, which I thought to keep a secret from my family-there’s nothing one can do with me, it’s my disease which can’t ever be treated, and it will only be worsened in the coming future. But anyway, the reality won’t ever change, how hard I try. I’ve also developed a kidney infection in the last year, which Alps I didn’t tell my parents about, and got the medical treatment without them knowing. Things like these have stopped hurting, to get up every day to know that I am a sufferer of some new disease, on some new day, I’m used to it now. Always knowing that I have to do something for my family, because they have helped me a lot, I’ve never let my disease come across my studies and my future. I’m amongst the toppers of my school, I’m the best orator of my school. My school doesn’t know the reality, and I don’t want to tell them, I’m sick of being sympathized.

But sometimes, when the real reality strikes you, there’s no way out. Recently I have been under a trauma. A very close family relative of mine attempted a rape. Though he wasn’t able to penetrate my vagina with his dick, because of the reason that everyone was around at that time, yet he fingered me in my vagina, kissed me excessively, tried sodomising, but didn’t succeed, gave cunnilingus, degraded me. I was scared of sharing this with my family, yet I did on the advice with a friend, who I apparently trusted more. What they said, and how they reacted has got my nerves wrecked. I don’t have anyone I have to live for now. There’s no one I can trust, no where I can go. My family held me responsible for the outcome, and that man still is in my home walking unthreatened, while I am scared, and shivering, cold and completely shocked. I didn’t expect this from my parents, they attacked me back with a side I never thought existed. For them the marks are score are more important. I don’t understand what to do. I’ve been through a nightmare, and there’s no one who’d want to listen. I just want to run away, or maybe end my life. What’s the use of such a life? What have I ever got? It will never be better, only worse. I don’t know, I’m blurred.