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I wish that things weren’t so hard

I wish that things weren’t so hard. That my dad was not a self centered cheating man. That the pastor or our church did not side with my father knowing that he has and still is a cheating, lying, cursing, unfaithful man. He thinks that he is justifiably right even in sin. I guess that is why he has Hodgkins lymphoma in his lung, back and prostrate.
It has been a year in a half since he was diagnosed.
He won’t listen to my mother’s advice that she has read online for him to get better. His own cousin, whom is a herbalist sent him things to take but he won’t do a thing. My dad wants everyone to do everything for him whilst he sits back and laughs at you as you do his work. My dad goes around making bad misconceptions about me and my mom to people. They believe it even though they have never ever met us. He can amen to T.D. Jake’s on TV and amen Morgan Freeman on the science channel.

It is hard on me and my mom, we are trying to get our ducks in a row to get away from this life. I am determined to become a BSN, and both me and my mom  are trying to lose weight. We learnt how to do our own hair. We want to gain our confidence back. Now her battery has died in her car, and the car was hit, and it is old. I wish that she could trade it but she has a loan on the house because of my stupid dads credit rating. Now he has his credit right and has messed up my moms. It’s so bad my mom is a hard worker at a hospital in CSPD working with women and men who act like 3 year old. I pray she can get another job. My dad has disowned his family, and is flirting with another woman. I have seen it with my own two eyes. From now on through going to school and studying I am throwing away anything that is his because I am missing a lot of things that I know that my dad has taken.
Sunday Feb 12 the pastor mentioned things that dad discussed with him in a conference, it was about how I one day would like to have my first date with a white boy, oh yeah I’m a black girl, 19 and a virgin. Anyway my dad hates the fact that I have made this decision, but every tramp that he flirts with is some young or old trashy white woman whom he knows somehow will take care of him and he won’t have to do much work. I made this decision because I want someone who wants to be one love with the Lord, and faithful. Someone I can rest my heart and soul into. I know it won’t be perfect but I am willing to work out anything in communication with one another. Right now I am focusing on my school work and I am so busy I don’t have time for friends let alone guys. I pray me and my mom can get away from this life and start another where I can start over with new people and new adventures.

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