My ex-girlfriend and I have been separated since July 5th of 2016. A long, stressful, amazing two year relationship.
She had her issues, a lot of baggage that I took upon myself. I picked her up more times than I can count. She was lost, she was long gone, until I came along.
Unfortunately, because of her childhood, the way she was raised, the pain she dealt with, I took the blunt of it all. I gave her chance after chance and so on. She cheated on me more times than I could count but I let it happen. You’d think after so long of being broken up that’d I’d move on already? No… Now she is pregnant. She doesn’t know who the father is. It’s a pain I cannot explain to anyone. To watch the woman you fell in love with, be alone, be put back on the ground again. She has minor mental problems… Early stages of schizophrenia, her mom has it too and after living with her and seeing her true colors I now see it. I just don’t get it.
I live my life everyday asking myself the same question. What did I do wrong? What could I of changed? She left me for someone else? Why? I am not innocent, I wasn’t fair to her in our relationship but I had good reasons. I co-signed a $6,000 personal loan for her to get the truck that she always wanted. Now the pain carries on, she was always late on the payments when she did make them, so now I am stuck in a financial crisis. Her excuse? “I am pregnant so the truck is the last thing I have to worry about.”
My life is so far gone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think of suicide but the thought comes around as a “What if I died tomorrow how would she react?” Ever since she left, nothing has been easy. I am so alone. Yes I have friends, yes I have family, but in this day and age you can’t tell anyone your problems because instead of a resolution it turns into a competition on who has it worse or they tell you to get over yourself. If only I told people what really goes on in my head then they’d think twice, but I don’t, I keep it to myself and that’s why I am here…