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I hope one day he will know the truth

I just have fully fucked my life, I have no idea from where to start after my first break up. I have no idea what happened to me. I want myself indulged in activities related to searching for a guy to get married to soon.
In 2012 I met a guy we had a 2 year affair but I had never had sex or kissed anyone; in fact no one touched me ever.
Now in 2016 I met a guy once I dreamt came into my life. I hide stuff from him about my affairs. I never wanted to share. He was-he is sincere but I lost my respect for him as he came to know about my affairs and many other things which no one ever knew. I talked to boys to build my relationship, to get married but were unsuccessful. He has spiritual powers but after meeting him I loved him a lot. Now we both are in such situations that when I speak truth he doesn’t trust me, and when I lie he at once trusts because he thinks his dreams are true.
I made stories to have his belief purely on his dreams. Today we had a fight again. I want to say wanted to shout and say that I was virgin and he was the man who touched me for the first time… All stories made by me were to satisfy you due to your dreams, nothing else matters as I don’t know what to do! I need someone who I want to share my feelings, my problems. My story.
I am posting here, please guide me and help me in form of prayers. I hope one day he will know the truth. That I haven’t been touched by any guy; just a guy in Malaysia hugged and kissed me but after that he was the one who touched me made love to me.
I hurt him but now I don’t want to anymore.
I just love him.

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