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My Partner Had An Abortion Which Lead To My Depression

So, when I was young, I was sexually abused by a fellow family member. This was never really resolved, except within the family. From this point on I had trust issues. I am twenty-three now and the only quality that I find of value and attraction in people is their personality.
I have had my fair share of relationships but the one that still has me crying at night was four years ago, we were together for 2 years, getting closer and closer, I did not know, but she was pregnant. I only found out after a letter from the abortion clinic came in the mail. After I asked my partner at the time, she told me that she has already had the appointment and the baby was terminated. This felt like somebody reached into my chest and ripped out my heart, my good, my everything. Shortly after this, I ended our relationship. For years after this incident I spiralled with depression, anxiety and alcoholism. I finally cleaned myself up thirteen months ago, and have been looking up ever since.
I met a woman at a New Year’s Eve party, she truly looked stunning, with a personality that matched. Sure, she has her share of problems but nothing out of the ordinary. We began hanging out and I developed feelings for her the more time we spent together. I thought she reciprocated the feelings. I was wrong. Despite her confirming that she feels strongly for me she still feels that we don’t “click”. Again, tossed aside like a used rag. My defences around my heart are strong but I let my guard down around her because I so loved her.
I feel as though life and love are just made to toy with people and when people start to feel comfortable with others it crushes your heart and makes you feel 1 CM tall.

One Comment

  1. Please stay strong !

    It’s sad to know that someone have to experience all of these, it’s not easy!

    Sure you will find someone that see the beauty in you, don’t worry! At least you know there is me in another side of the world who can totally understand you.

    Have a nice day!

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