I’d always been the smart one of the group. The one who seemed to have everything together, no matter what comes. The one who could never waste her time on someone who didn’t do the same for her. And boy did I.

He began the chatting, and continued it for months, displaying the friendship very publicly. Then he upped things. He asked me who I liked. But neither of us were good at confessions anyway, so we played around that a bit. Then, he hinted that he liked me. I might have been the more insecure one, I agree, as I instead replied with a question – “What if I liked you?”. Only now, 4 years later, do I get to know that boys will run for their lives if they get even the hint of rejection, save those who are not good at expression anyway.

He said it was a friend who wrote it, not him. He backtracked. He ran. The chatting died down, but my curiosity grew. The curiosity led me to closely follow him, and that in turn made me fall. What a fall.

He never got rejected again. Not unexpected, he was indeed one of the best people anyone had seen. In fact, so low was people’s dislike towards him, that he dated 4 more in those 4 years. Currently on his 5th, he seems to have found bliss. And this one fits him perfectly, especially since she’s just like me, except, more like him. He and I were said to be similar. He and she? Fire fire.

He might’ve liked me a long time back, all those years ago, it’s true. But he doesn’t now. I might have been his only rejecter in any aspect of life, and I wasn’t even that. I liked him then, I loved him right after. Now? There’s just an empty space. True, the upcoming ones have to live up to his persona, which is mostly impossible. But I don’t need him, if he doesn’t need me.

Who am I kidding, I ask myself, those days when he messages and I leave everything to attend to it.

I don’t.

I do.

I don’t know.

Does it matter?

He does. He always will.