I am 24-year-old female doctor residing in India.

So I was in my final year of medical school when I met this 40-year-old married man and we were family friends. I knew him since my childhood, and we had connected after a very long time. We became really good friends ,and he was a very jovial and had cool attitude and {I loved his personality a lot, tall well-built body, great sense of humour, good with guitar and so on…}so much so that he wanted me to call him by his name and not address him as uncle.at that time I didn’t realise what was his intentions until very late.

We used to chat and talk on phone for hours and none of our families knew about this.

And I always wanted a kind of support and someone to be there for me and help me. And he was there to tell me that I am doing great with my studies and advise me for little things. Call me before exams to wish me. But at the same time, he used to flirt a lot and do dirty talks, initially I didn’t like that but later he convinced me saying it’s all for fun and there is nothing serious. Almost after 3 or 4 months we were talking like we were in a relationship, then we both realised it and I said no to his proposal since it would not be ethical as he has a family.

But as fate would have it, he wanted me to meet him and say that I didn’t love him, so we met. I had so much confusion going on in my mind, I didn’t know what to do, should I listen to my heart or my brain and he used to tell that we both are adults and that I should be able to make decisions on my own, and whatever be it he was okay with it.

3 months passed in confusions and discussions and meeting.

And in one such meeting he told much he resists kissing me and he wouldn’t do it without my consent.

With all those kinds of words I was definitely moved and he had won my trust by then, so much so that I believed that I was in very safe hands.

We didn’t talk when I had my final exams. I did well and told him I wouldn’t talk to him until I get my results.

When my results came and I was very happy that I cleared my medical school final exam in first class. I told him that I got the results and he said he wanted to meet me. But I kept postponing it saying we will meet later, as I was starting with my internship in some weeks.

At that time, he was living in another city and kept telling me that he would send me the tickets and we could spend a weekend together, when I kept refusing, he decided to come here secretly and spend time with me without letting his wife know that he was here. (His family was in the same town as mine and he was working in another city). I agreed to visit him and he had made hotel bookings, I didn’t realise what was happening, I was very casual until I realised I was spending the night with him in a unknown hotel. It was all fun during the day and after dinner he wanted to have sex and it came as a complete shock to me. I told him I was not very comfortable and didn’t see this coming. Initially he seemed very upset and angry with it. And I was very scared and I didn’t know what to do. And later that night he somehow convinced me to sleep naked with him and that he would not have sex with me unless I was comfortable. He did oral sex with me and the whole time I lay like a dead woman fearing my life and what had happened, I didn’t sleep and still now I can’t sleep thinking about it.

The next day we checked out of the hotel and he said since he had some time for his flight he would surprise his family and then take the flight. I was not very sure of his plan but I told him to carry on and I left to my home. As usual he has switched off his phone so that his wife would not doubt him.

But she was smart. As he reached home and went to get refreshed she checked his phone and read our chats. And soon after he left, a few days later at 1 am I get a call from an unknown number, the voice calling my name from the other end and addressing herself as his wife. For a few seconds, I went numb and I could only feel the palpitations of my heart. Then somehow, I got myself back and I knew what she was going to ask me. But to my surprise she just said “I know you slept with him”!!!

Initially I was like “sorry, what are you saying?”

Then later she told me that she knows everything about us and that we were in a hotel together that night.

And I accepted my mistake and said yes I was with him.

She said she wanted to meet me.

So after a few days we (his wife and me) met at a cafe, she asks me “do you love him, do you plan to marry him”? and I replied “not at all, I don’t want to marry him and never intended to”.

She continued that she was asking this so that she could decide whether she had to save her marriage or not. And the whole time I was dreading that she would scream or slap me for what I have done.

She continued saying he’s always be flirting with woman and this time I became his target. She said he always had an eye on me, and his philosophies were his own, he believed that eternal love is not true and love has no boundaries…

I asked for forgiveness, I felt so guilty of breaking a woman’s beautiful family and felt relieved that she knew about what was happening and but didn’t interfere cause she wanted to catch him red-handed.

We decided that the only way out of this would be me breaking up with him saying that my family caught me. (and I had been trying very hard to come out of this but in vain)

I finally broke up with him.

A few months later he came to meet his family and his wife confronted him about the hotel stay with me and he refused as any such thing happening, he lied to her saying that he was in official trip and stayed in the hotel but was alone.

Surviving my internship with “this caught in the affair thing”, I was beginning to put myself back together from pieces.

I had to keep everything inside of me, couldn’t share with anybody fearing what would everybody say.

For some time I believed it was all over, but he was still texting me and his wife checking on me if I do talk to him or not.

Months passed by, storm had settled down. I started to forget what all had happened with me… and that was the same time when I met this very handsome resident and he was everything a gal would want, talented knowledgeable and smart, good looking.

So me and this resident become friends and I realised I was moving on from that horrific affair mistake of mine, so I was happy. He was shy guy but we both liked each other’s company. We used to enjoy attending patients together in our night calls. Do seminars and case discussions together. I felt my life was changing for better.

Whenever I used to be there, he used to make sure we both be together, even when he didn’t have duty he used to be there in the wards if I was there. He used to defend me if anybody said anything against me.
All these gestures made me fall for him more.

2 months passed and it was my last night call with him and after that I would be going for my rural posting to a village nearby. (which meant I would not be meeting him for a month or so). I felt sad, we both decided to spend the night talking with each other, so we started to search a place where it would be safe for us, but we couldn’t find any place where we could sit and talk and where people wouldn’t recognise us. (We both didn’t want people to notice us together away from our work stations).

So he suggested his hostel room would be the last option.

Initially I was not very inclined but later I said yes. He went ahead in the lift, opened his room and I followed him.

We quickly sneaked in and it was 3 am and he told me to lock the door and not to turn the lights on as it would raise a suspicion among other hostilities, so I agreed.

We made ourselves comfortable on a bed and we started talking.

I asked him “why he doesn’t like other gals but me ?”

He replied “he doesn’t like those kind of gals, they are fancy. I like gals who are simple and sweet like you.”

I felt very happy. I confirmed that we had mutual feelings for each other. We talked briefly about our past relationships. Then I asked him if he was fine with having a relationship with me, he said no ,”I want to focus on my residency and also you have to study for your post-graduation, we can be friends.”

I was not very happy with what he said but it made sense that we focus on building our careers.

Then suddenly he asks me” when I kissed last?” I said last year (referring to the affair I had). Then he comes forward and we kissed.

We started love making ,and I didn’t know what to do.

When he started to undress me, I stopped him and said not now, may be some other time and as I am not feeling well (and I actually had fever then).

He clearly was not happy but I wanted to save my chastity.

We both came to the wards as it past 5 am and people would then start searching for him.

We met after a few days, cos I was very furious with what happened that night and wanted to know what was in his mind, cause after that incident he never responded to my messages and calls. Not even as a friend.
it was about my self-respect now so I wanted to clarify with him. (I felt like I was being used physically after he denied having relationship with me)

He said he didn’t intend to do it with me that night, and it just happened. And there was nothing to worry about and that I should not over react. His words “don’t act as if you have my baby inside your womb”! And I was stunned to hear, what came after that was more than shocking for me.

When I asked what are we, friends or? In a very joking way he replied I don’t mind friends with benefits also!!!

I just gave a look and then he diverted the topic and started asking how my preparations for entrances were?

I used to stay back in library and study and would want to meet him during coffee breaks in the evening.

Majority of the times he would call me to the wards and since I had finished my posting, people would ask me what was I doing there? I would not have answers and it actually made me think of always why should I go to a place where he calls and he never comes to the place I decide.

I still loved him so much that I didn’t want to be bothered with all this. But later he stopped meeting me in my coffee breaks giving me silly reasons.

So I decided I’ll do a night call with my friend so that way I can spend some time with him. I did two such nights in a gap of few weeks but all the time he pretended to be busy. Few of my friends who knew me told me that he was not worth my efforts and I should stop, but I was a still an idiot who loved him…

So it was my last day in hospital and we had a workshop, so I was dressed up and wanted to meet him for last time, so I called him. He said he was busy with his friends in canteen, so I waited for good 2 hours and finally I told him to come out of the hospital and tell him goodbye and that I would not be meeting him so often.

He wanted me to come to the wards where he was working and I refused.

So he had to come out and when he finally did, I had so many things going on in my mind but showed a very calm face and told I’ll be going to periphery and this is my last day in this hospital and I don’t know when I’ll meet you next, but he with a very straight face just said bye and wished me luck.

And at that very moment I felt like I was nothing for him at all, all these days and months I spent, he regarded me as I existed for his time to pass. That was the time I decided I wouldn’t turn back to him ever.

Only later I realised he always liked me for my body and wanted sex and since I refused he stopped talking to me, he actually never acknowledged my existence nor my friendship.

I am so disgusted with both the experiences of my life in the last 2 years. I never believed that men like this existed.

Now I can’t trust anybody cause I just have fear now that somebody will again do all these things with me.

I am just traumatised.

I hate the idea of sex now.

I don’t know how I’ll come out of this, I don’t feel comfortable with anybody touching me, I avoid interacting with people.

I feel guilty and miserable. Why is it just physical pleasure? It’s like I have been running to save my chastity!!! 🙁

I hope people especially young gals know that people do like this exist and you have to be very careful while you interact with people, you don’t know what’s going on their minds. They play very safe and gain your trust. 🙁

-the traumatised doc.