Is it weird that sometimes when I’m alone I get really sad?
Sometimes I’ll just be sitting there, and then I start to think.
I think about my future, and the people around me.
Sometimes these thoughts get scary.
Like, who’s going to be there at the end?
Am I going to be alone, or will I have someone I love?
Will I have lived a life to be proud of?
Will I have regrets that haunt me forever?
I just have so many questions and no answers.
I know the things I want in life, but what if I can never achieve them?
A fear of the future and a fear of abandonment.
What a fucking combination.
I don’t want to be alone.
I want to be happy and live a life with someone I can love.
With someone who loves me back.
I want to be a father, and have healthy and happy children.
I want to have a career that I can be proud of.
I’m scared that I’ll take these things away from myself.
I’m scared that I’ll make mistakes that ruin my future.
Maybe I already have.
I suppose I won’t find out until it’s too late anyways.
Might as well keep going to see how it ends.
I hope it’s at least an entertaining story.
It’s my story after all.