Hi, I am Saurabh, New Delhi, India…. Right now my mind is all blank or should I say all is puzzled up…. Today is March 08, 2017…. and I am going to start by 5 years ago, when I was in 4th year of my Engineering.

I had crush on Divya, she was in IT department but I knew she never be mine as her marriage already fixed, but it was just crush nothing was serious…. Then things start to get trouble…. It was 5th Jan. 2012. I met my ex-school girlfriend Neetu Bisht, she was very good looking even was in school, I still like her but we broke up all cause of misunderstanding, but I didn’t regret that much, until I met her again that evening I was tipsy and she was with her college friend, we met and start to meet again as she also likes me so meeting going well then again we both fell and hooked up but on the other hand I met a girl on Facebook play site.

Live pool… She was from Indonesia and Neetu got to know about her but till then there was nothing between me and that Indonesian girl, Sylvia Meiliani… Sshe was 29 years, 3 years elder than me but she looks fad. But still I love Neetu, then again, some misunderstanding building up between me and Neetu, she was not trusting me…. Then day by day she is getting away from me, I felt bad and cried for weeks but then Sylvia give me support she knew everything about me and Neetu but Neetu didn’t believe me. Then day by day me and Sylvia getting closer and we decide to meet as we both were in love, she loves India, she wanted to marry an Indian and she was divorced too, she never told me a lie, she always truthful to me but usually lied to her on just small things like where were I… what was I doing…. but not on big things….  I was not cheating her, I mean not dating any other girl. so, we decided to meet and I booked my ticket and all the itinerary and she requested me to bring many things and I bought all of it even all the marriage material which she told me.

Then on 12 Feb. 2013, I went there and took all of the stuff, she met me at the airport, but before that Airlines misplaced my luggage and then she got late by 1 hours and I was worried that may she cheated me or what happened, I was calling her but not picked then…. (in short).. we meet on 13 Feb 2013 at 1.40pm at Bali Denpasar, Nusdua Airport, then we spend 5 days together and had lot of fun, lived like husband wife, nights were special and days were awesome, I never forgot those 5 days of my life, then on 18 Feb,2013, we sees off each other on same airport then we start talking and video-calling each other than on April-8-2013, she told me that she having a baby, firstly I was shocked but then tried to tell her that we are ready for that, but she stuck to carry baby, then I agreed with her then after few weeks she informed me that she had miscarriage but I knew she abort it cause of me, but I didn’t ask her anything, everything was okay, but that day when I deny for baby.

That day we start to getting away from each other, then day by day we start to fight, rarely do video calling, then fewer text from her side, then on 9 Sept. 2013 she told me that she has someone, I knew she was lying but I didn’t ask anything, then she said she lost all the feelings for me, cried and request her to not to go. I am soft heartened person, by look I am tough and kind of macho but inside I am so soft. She left me that was 2013 going on that year I was also talking to my school time teacher, Mrs Abha Kanojia, usually she guide me and I also share about my life with her till then our bonding like student and teacher. Then Slyvia went away and I started to talk to Mrs Abha, when I was in coaching classes I like Mrs. Abha and she also knew that as I was shy so didn’t tell her, then we were in touch just on mobile often I talk to her on calls but then her husband having problem with that, then we leave to talk.

Then last year on 4 April 2016 we met but before that we were on Facebook but never talked on it, but follow each other, then before we met I saw her fb wall was full of sad story and shyaris, I got that something is not good between her and her husband (Amit). Then I talked to her after 3 years, then we decided to meet then on 4 April 2016 we met, then she told me about her boyfriend Deepak. I was little bit shocked but then listen to her and then at last she said that they are broken up as Deppak got married that moment I decided that she will be mine then I start to talk to her, meet her and text her, she need time, I gave to her…. all she wanted is that moral support and I gave to her, but she was not ready to fall in love but I assured her and gave her trust that it won’t happen again with her, then she took much time then at last she decided to think about me and love me…… It’s time we made out on 20 May 2016, then we were with each other…. She told me about her life at home and how is her husband treat her and why she had affair and she also told me that she had only two years after that she will be at home, she is working cause of some financial issue. I was okay with all of that, now almost 8 months has been passed and now things are different. I am totally messed up now than ever before.

Few month ago she wasted to left the job but now she does not talk about it, earlier she had problem with office staff, but not now. earlier she used to go and come by cab, now she has a Sir, in her office with whom she used to go and come. Two or three days passed without saying Hii to each other and even more worst now, earlier she always calls me and tell her whole day but now only a text in 2 days, by some days she blocked my number and says Amit might know about us, from yesterday I didn’t call her and she also did not I was just seeing what will she do but nothing happened. Sometime I think why don’t I just leave her then on other hand I think I love her, she says trust me, do not think much, just be calm but I really do not what’s going on…. to whom I listen…. I am really messed up…. because of all this I did not able to concentrate on my job, I left my 3 jobs cause of this…..What do I do??????