I loved a girl, I loved her entirely, everything about her. From the way she smiled, to the way she always missed one hair when she made a ponytail, to the way she let a little bit of country slip in her voice when she talked. Beautiful blond hair, stunning sky blue eyes, delicate as a flower at times, tough as steel at others, smart, funny, beautiful, resourceful, perfect.
I loved her too much. In every thought I had, I thought of her. Every time I closed my eyes, there she was. Every time I talked, it was about her. When I cooked, I wondered if she’d like it. When I slept, I dreamt of her. When I walked, I always wished I could be walking next to her. I was entirely in love.
I messed up, and forgot myself. I would sometimes forget to eat or sleep, I was too busy texting her. I would be unable to study, because I was thinking of her. I would forget other people, because I wanted to see her. I would ignore other people, because I always wished they were her. I was absolutely nothing without her.
We went to fast, and failed because of it. It was true love for us both, she was just as crazy about me. It only took a day after saying we liked each other to fall like a stone. It only took a week together to need each other entirely, in everything we did. It only took a month before we were all that existed to each other. It only took until we were talking about marriage, running away, and sex.
It took 2 months, 8 days, and 13 hours for us to kiss. That sloppy, done wrong, first time, no idea how, teeth clacking kiss, but it was perfect. Then it was over. We both realized what we just did. Me 14, her 16, we were too young, we realized, and said it, decided to be friends.
It started slowly. First an argument here or there, then a please give me time, then a give me a week, then insults, then don’t text me. I told her don’t talk to me. She told me don’t talk to her sister. I told her don’t talk to my friends. She told me don’t talk to her family. I told her don’t ever talk to me again, and she didn’t.
I still hate myself looking back on it, because we both fell in love to fast. I got angry, I said what I didn’t mean, I told her I hated her. Now I only hate myself, and she has someone new. Now here I am. I’m still stuck on her, I’m depressed, and now I’m telling you this, whoever you are.
Don’t be like me make sure it’s right. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t go to fast. Don’t talk when you’re angry, and finally, don’t start hating yourself, because you are the absolute hardest person you can forgive.