(Written in first person view, second person’s view unknown)

“Why do you like me!? Am not so good also!”, she objected.
“I don’t know why! It just is!”, he could barely justify.

There lived a boy, an epitome of “being a good, obedient boy”, one who considered others to be more important than him. Somehow, this feeling always kept him humbled, and he had no complaints.

One day in 2005, while in his teenage, he saw her at his school for the first time. Call it attraction, or otherwise, she never left her mind. He fell each time he saw her. Each-damn-time.

Years passed, and his life moved on. Lots of things happened, during this time, but only one process kept on running in his mind throughout this period. Her.

And for quite a long time, she happened to stay on his mind. When they were in school, he used to shudder at the thought of her being around. So much was the charisma of her personality for him.

Who kisi rail si guzarti thi, main kisi pul sa thatharta tha.

Naively he had let this happen to himself, partially because of the awe, and rest because of his nature.

It was more than his life revolving around her. He did not realise, but his life now, was not his own. She was the epicentre.

As time passed, in around 2010, they had become friends. Classmates, to competitors, to chat buddies. The advent of short messaging services had given him a new ray of hope! Inevitable it was. One thing led to another, and they were best of friends.

For him, she was childishly mature. For her, he thought himself to be trustworthy beyond doubt. Both shared innermost insecurities, and over the first year of close friendship, they knew each other inside out.

For him, she was purpose of his life. She shouldn’t suffer while he was there. Sometimes, he felt as if his own existence was for her.

He felt, that for her, he was the go-to guy. Anything to share and she would tell him. He would listen to her, and console her, or cheer her up. This became a habit, and now he would feel triumphant when she laughed because of him. Mildest of her smiles made his heart bloom to infinite extent. Her being happy, was the only thing he could possibly want in life then.

Days when she faced troubles, he would remain sad. Vice versa. Communication gaps used to cause heartaches. They used to fight. She would say, “Nobody cares about me. Neither parents, nor you.” He would take the wound, and recite to her what she means to him.

Deeper the love, deeper the wound.

But this wasn’t love yet. At least for her. This was friendship, unadulterated one. Though he always wanted to be closest one to her, he never said out his mind in fear of losing the friendship. He was satisfied with whatever small role he used to play in her life. Her words, like “I don’t want anyone close to me as you are”, used to make him feel the luckiest boy in the world. What more could he possibly want?

But as life proceeds, it always takes the form of sine curve. Up, down and up again. This time, though, down. She had a flock of dreams which she was very hopeful about. But say it misfortune or otherwise, nothing worked out. In paramount moments of distress, even he didn’t know how to console. He would say, “Stay put buddy, everything happens for best”. He eagerly waited for the best to happen to her.

Some months later, when their graduation completed in 2014, they already had the next step to take. He got a job in hometown, and she, in the city of her dreams.

Upon knowing of her placement, one part of him was elated beyond limits. He always had wished her to get what she deserved, and now she had! But then there is this selfish part of our personality. He knew this also meant that they had to part their ways, at least physically. He had just received another deep wound. Worse, because he received this news from someone else. Somehow, he found his happiness in hers again. Her joyful voice weighted too much against his own wishes.

This meant two things. First, he could not meet her, steal glances like before. He could not have his brief moments of pure bliss, his daily inspirations. Secondly, less time for each other.

The day before she went, they met. It wouldn’t have been more than 10 minutes meeting, yet he could hardly wait to leave. She looked beautiful, ready to go to a friend’s wedding. All he thought, was how far she was going to go from him. How strongly he craved to tell her that he didn’t want her to go away from him. How strongly he felt that he loved her! Seeing her that way, going away from himself, made him feel vulnerable and helpless. And then, when she went, something inside him broke.

Since she went to new city, she had new stuff to do. New friends to make. Busy in that, chats decreased. He didn’t initiate chat, thinking that she would have a new life and that he had now become a thing of past for her. The part of life, which every migrant leaves behind at their hometown.

Being an introvert person, he did not have such friends before whom he would open his heart out. But for him, she had become the first person to share his achievements and sorrows. In her absence as a chat buddy, he developed an inferiority complex, thinking himself to be a frog-in-the-well, leading to a sudden state of depression. His new job didn’t appeal him. If he had asked his own self, aged 15 years, he was living his dream life. Good job, good pay, new bike, new phone, all good things in life. Everything, except happiness.

But it always is the case, we long for things we don’t have, and ignore the things we have. Previously, he would find happiness and content in joy of small things. During his childhood, whenever his dad would take him out, a small extra ride before going to home also titillated him. A simple appreciation, a smile, a new pencil, new uniform. At times, it wouldn’t take more than these to make him forget the miseries of life.

But now the case was different, he had lost his own self. Her absence had huge impact on him. A year passed like this, and deeper went the depression. When she met him on her visit to hometown, she could see what had happened after she left. But she didn’t know how it happened. She wondered, how could she help. He, wanted to leave as soon as possible. He couldn’t stand the sight of her. Not that he hated her, how could he. But he didn’t want her to be worried seeing him. He also didn’t want to feed his inferiority complex. The only way to make this happen was to rush the meeting. Each moment was painful to him, yet he sat through. Only when they left, he felt relieved.

Later after some months, she had a trip. One of her friends discussed his feelings about his own girlfriend. This, made her think, whether it was the same thing she had with her best friend. Whether they were in an unrealised relationship. Little did she realise, that she had left him alone, if ever it had been a relationship.

In the end of 2014, soon after her trip, she talked this realisation out, and our hero, fell again, hopelessly.
Words of endearment exchanged, and to his amazement, she also had fallen for him.

Sine curve, as always.

But since it was different cities, meeting was scarce. But the routine again started. Now, they would talk like to-be-couple. Life, seemingly, was good again.

As I told earlier, the boy was epitome of goodness. He wanted no one to be sad about them as a couple, and hence wanted his family to agree. Her ideas also said same. Over some months, they told at home.

Sometimes, we count blessings only when they are visible. Both families agreed to give them a chance to prove themselves. This was what they wanted.

They, in their moments of happiness, felt loved, and took great care of each other. They had accomplished something great. He felt, his life purpose is going to be fulfilled. After all, she was the only thing he had been most certain of, among all the uncertainties in his life.

A year went on like this. Things progressed, as did the sine curve.

Indian families believe in matching of characteristics, called horoscopes. While everything of their likes, personalities and dreams matched, their horoscopes didn’t. While he didn’t want to believe in such stuff, she wanted to remain tethered to her parent’s decisions. She had been in a state of emotional turmoil since long. He, thinking that luck would change scenario in his favour, worried a little less. But as it is said, that luck is a 50% probability. When he needed it the most, it didn’t work.

Lately, she had been emotionally drained. She couldn’t take it anymore.

In the blooming month of March 2016, one night while returning from office, he received her call. She told the final verdict her parents had given to her. Ironically, the whole month, where everything was supposed to be romantic, seemed unbearable to him to live.

He had received another wound that night. He thought that though parents had denied, seeing incompatibility as predicted by horoscopes, at least she could have stood up for what they wanted. He felt betrayed. A deepest wound, perhaps.

He didn’t want to convince her that life would be good if she was by his side. That he would take care of her irrespective of what horoscopes say. But if love needs to be explained, is it love at all, he thought. He, had to just let it go.

Ironically, what he pursued thinking that he would gain something, made him lose what he had. The friendship now remained only a namesake, thanks to him.

He always knew, but little had he realised, that she had been a part of his mind a little more than 10 years now. In moments of solitude, he tried to forget her. But was it so easy?

He tried to remember his life before she happened to him. He thought, maybe I can again start a new chapter, like before, when she didn’t exist in my life. But is it possible?

Can someone be un-loved? Could she be forgotten, like she never happened to him?

How does one decide that they love they had wasn’t real? Because he, even after 13 months from that night, was unable to move on.

Did he love too much than needed?

How much attachment, rather conviction, is acceptable in love before marriage, before the commitment becomes stronger than the other forces which tends to pull the individuals apart?

Was his definition of love incorrect? Impractical? Too good to be true?

What happens to this seemingly-undying love, if the individuals decide not to pursue the life together?