When you are in a room with all the people that you love, and you just don’t feel like you fit in anymore. You feel like the relationships would be better formed between others if you weren’t there, because they all have more things in common. You look at yourself and think that they all feel bad for you, which is why they are all your “friends” to begin with. When the one person you can ever talk to about anything is the last person you want to talk to. That person is just the person that you have to try to avoid, because they are too far away to help you right now anyway. You get a text from a friend to invite you to hang out with everyone, and you just feel guilty about it.

You consider going, but you think it would be better if you just stayed away. You keep making excuses for not going to church, or friend outings, but it isn’t that you were busy, or that you don’t want to go, but that you can’t afford to go. You can’t afford the gas to get there, even though it is only a few extra dollars. Bills are just getting in the way. In every aspect of your life, you feel like you are sinking. You are just sinking. You keep sinking. You feel like you have weights tied to your ankles, and you can’t do anything about it because you aren’t even sinking in water, you are in the mud. Sinking slowly. Painfully. The worst part is that no one else even notices that you are slowly asphyxiating on the dirt and the water. They don’t know that you are inching closer to your breaking point. they don’t see anything. They don’t even know that even though you love them, seeing them is slowly killing you. They don’t really see you.