Years back in “2010” when I was only 17 I happened to be on social media one day and randomly received a message from this guy who was 21 at the time. Basically, he was trying to get to know me more as a person but during the time I was confused, my thoughts about boys liking the same sex was not the right thing so I replied back telling home that I am not into the same sex. He then was nice about it and apologized. A couple years go by, he then messages me again but my answer still have not changed, but by this time he responded back and said, “well I am not going to give up” I replied and said, “well you don’t have to give up but it’s not going to work”. Months goes by he then sent another message but this time I was thinking to myself “okay he seems cool as a friend”. We then became cool, exchange numbers like friends would do. A year or two goes by he then moved to a different city but we still kept in contact with each other. One day as he decided to move back to Baltimore we’ve been talking his whole ride back here, he always asked when can he come see me but I always had an excuse. Somehow, we both lost contact with each other as he returned. I remember he reached out to me again in “2015” but at this time I started feeling a certain kind of way, I actually started liking this guy but I kept acting as if I didn’t like boys (well him). I felt like our friendship have grown closer. So, months before 2016 was about to end we had conversations, he still used to constantly ask when am I going to come see him. I lied to him giving him dates but I already knew I was lying because I was scared of what might happen next.
“So, I’m guessing everyone want to know did I finally give the guy a chance?”
Yes, on December 6, 2016 he asks was I going to come see him, at this time I felt like I could trust him; he damn near knew everything about me. I replied saying “yeah”, the next day on December 7th, I went over his house; he paid my way there. As I got there I felt weird because out of all these years this was my first time actually being in front of him and I couldn’t believe I was at his house. The day goes on he just kept saying “I finally got you here, I can’t believe it”. I started laughing, we started talking to each other until we both got tired. The next day December 8th, we both was still in shock so I’m just sitting on the bed, he came over and said, “so you mine, right?”. At this point I was lost & confused so I started stuttering saying “yeah, I guess”. From this point the roles have change I’ve became the clingy one I wanted to be around him 24/7 cause that’s who I felt most comfortable around. Days pass in our relationship, he started showing this side of him as if he really loved me; had me thinking I was the only one he was seeing (which I thought during that time I we’re the only one). New Year’s finally come and here I am in a relationship, he actually waited to post our picture on New Year’s which I thought it meant something during the time. So here we are now in February 2017, we both finally said, “I love you” I knew it was too soon but everything just seemed so right between us. On February 2nd, was the first time we had sexual relations; yes, we used protection. So now at this point two months later we’re having sex. This guy was telling me everything that I wanted to hear, so I’m thinking he’s the one and I’m the one for him. Couple days go along on February 10th, we then had sexual relations again but at this point we didn’t use protection; within this time period we still on good terms we both trusted each other being unprotected. On Valentine’s Day February 14th, I went over his house that night but as I’m waking in he had the kitchen decorated, balloons, card, and he cooked food so at this point I’m thinking we really official. Days go by without us seeing each other, the next time I seen him since Valentine’s Day was on March 4th, we went bowling. That same night I met some of his friends for the first time; as the night went on we all was having fun until it was his turn to bowl, he left his phone sitting next to me I wasn’t paying attention to his phone until he got a notification from this app called “jack’d” so from this moment the whole night I was mad but I didn’t say nothing, I picked up his phone and said “here you go, you have a notification” yes I was being smart, by looking at his face he knew you could tell he was saying “damn” to his self. He asked what was wrong with me as if we’re not in a relationship and that notification didn’t just pop up; so I kept saying “nothing I’m good” but as the night went on when we it back to his house eventually he continued to ask again what’s wrong; so I finally asked him why did he even have that app on his phone, he lies and say “I already knew that’s why you was mad but that’s how I sell my weed” but I just left it alone cause at this point I knew he already had his lie together and I wasn’t going get the truth from him anyway.
Y’all probably wondering if I ever caught him in his lie?
Yes, I took it upon myself to make myself a fake jack’d account; it might sound crazy but love make you do some crazy shit, I continued to act like this person who he thought was real.
But back to the story….
The next morning March 5th, once he woke up (because I never slept I was mad), he told me he apologized so I figured it was genuine I accepted it. Later, that day we again had sexual relations not using protection. I then decided to myself that here I am happy in a relationship so I felt like I can finally post this picture of us on social media coming out the closet publicly to everyone, so I did that people supported me; he didn’t know I posted it until I told him. Days go on the more I started going over his house I kept having this feeling that something wasn’t right since the day he got caught with that jack’d notification; everything started adding up to why he always been acting a certain way with his phone, I felt like he been cheating and having sexual relations with other people but I didn’t want to believe it cause I remember the very day in the beginning of our relationship when he told me “if I feel like I want to cheat just tell him and he’ll do the same”.
So at this point every time I’m home I constantly kept having thoughts like I he doing something he have no business doing, I was starting to lose faith and trust but we still was on good terms so everything just seemed good between us. So, on March 10th, he gave me a party not sure if it was for my birthday or for our friends to meet each other, he had games cooked a lot of food like everything was all good that whole night; all our friends finally left. The next morning March 11th, we went to iHop for breakfast; we enjoyed ourselves, got back to his house after leaving iHop I stayed for a while then I eventually went home. Two days later March 13th, I’m texting constantly, called and FaceTime him I got no answer but I noticed that he read my message hours later. I knew for sure something wasn’t right cause this behavior was all new coming from him, so I’m preparing myself for the worst. He then finally responds back hours later saying “wyd” as if I didn’t just ask him what he was going hours ago; so, I knew he was out being sneaky at this point, so I told him I was waiting for you to respond to my messages; he then send another message saying, “I’m just getting, I have a bad headache” which didn’t make any sense so that’s why you couldn’t respond earlier but you out. Then minutes later he sent me a message that I was already prepared for it felt like deja vu but part of the message said, “it’s best he ends what we have”. I then started shaking with tears coming down my eyes and replied back saying “I knew it” basically at this point he showed a different side of him days before.
So I called him asking questions which he gave me answers that I didn’t want to hear.
(All this coming from someone who was the person who said in the beginning if any one of us going to cheat tell each other and we can end it, but instead he went on and had sexual relations with other people during our relationship and then decided to tell me)
But back to the story….
So I hung up on him, next thing you know I was popped up at his house to give him his stuff back that once meant something to me and I wanted my stuff back. I knocked on both front & back doors/windows; I got no answer but I knew he was in the house so I started severing messages and calling him he ignored everything, but I wasn’t leaving until he came outside; I just remembering me saying “I know you hear & see me I’m not leaving until you come out” which I didn’t lie about. Still haven’t gotten an answer plus it was that day and started snowing that night, but I was mad so I didn’t care I just knew my heart was broke I wasn’t thinking right. He finally comes out the house being loud as if I did something wrong, so here we are both loud o just remembers me saying “I hope you got something from that person, do I need to go get checked out?” Once I said that he didn’t react to it he kept walking but at the time I was I didn’t mean to say what I said to him. Here I am now stranded in front of his house still therefore I was so mad that I spent my last bit of money getting to his house not knowing how I was going to get all the way back home. Hours go by but this time I was waiting for my friend to come pick me up which he haven’t, so I’m still outside in the cold standing in front of his bedroom window while on the phone; he must’ve been peeping out his windows and seen me still out there cause he sent me a message that said “what you need a way home” I replied saying “yeah” so minutes later he comes out but this time it look like he was crying and felt bad for doing what he did. He then gave me the money, I walked away but as I’m walking away he said, “I’m sorry” I hear him say it so I turned around walking towards him asking him what he say, he said “I said I’m sorry” at this point I was like I’m not even mad no more; so, we held like a 3 minutes conversation but I do remember me saying “I don’t want us to end off on bad terms” because before we as friends. A day goes by while I’m home I wasn’t feeling good and I knew something about my body wasn’t right so I was not trying to over react, I started thinking to myself maybe I feel like this because I just got my heart broke for the first time ever. Another day go by we have talked then he eventually told me Happy Birthday (March 15th). Days later I started feeling pain in areas I shouldn’t have so at this point I’m putting everything together from the time said to him “I hope you have something from that person or people been having sexual relations with” I remember he didn’t react to me texting it or saying it out loud to him so now my mind racing. Here I am March 18th, calling clinics so I can make an appointment to get tested but everyone I called said their appointment office was close since it was a Saturday, but I didn’t give up I went on google trying to find a clinic for that was open but they all was close. So, at this point I’m saying to myself I’m not going another day feeling like this; so, I put some clothes on and took this long walk to the nearest hospital. Yes, I walked into the emergency entrance cause some doctor I didn’t care who I just knew I was yes results today concerning my health. I told them the symptoms I was having. Minutes later waiting for results the first doctor walks over to me and said “from the symptoms you told us you was having yes it’s a STD” he then proceeded to check my penis and again said “you was right sir, whoever the person was you need to let them go” I then responded back saying “I knew it, I knew something wasn’t right” then he says “well that’s good you can in on your own when you noticed something was wrong cause not every young male comes in on their own to get tested” he walks away, here comes another doctor. She scans my wristband, I go sit back on the couch; she then gives me a cup of water to take with these two big pills that was hard to swallow. At this point I’m still sitting but I noticed a needle sitting by the cup, she looks at me and say, “stand up” so I stood up, she then says, “turn around” I turned around, then she resumes to say, “pull your pants down”. The moment she said that I turned right back around and said, ” what wait what you about to do with that needle miss?” She started laughing and replied, “it’s going in your butt” I’m saying to her “I’ve heard of needles going on butts but I didn’t believe it” she laughs again. Meanwhile I’m still asking questions like “is it going inside the hole or the cheek” so I finally turn around after letting her proceed to inject the needle, as she is injecting it she say, “it might burn and sting” but by the time she said that I was already crying because I instantly felt the pain that moment she told me. I was glad all that was over and even better that it was curable, but before I left she said something again which was “tell your partner they need to go get tested before it gets to anyone else”. I second guess and was saying to myself nope I can’t and I won’t, that don’t have nothing to do with me anymore. So as in looking out the hospital I called my Best friend crying because I never been through this much pain that I was feeling at the moment. I then asked her so she think I should tell him cause at this point the guy deleted me from every social media so basically, he said fuck me. But then I realized this guy to deserve to know what he did so I sent him a text message that said “quick update for you. Ever since you did what you did I’ve been so much happier. I feel like I connected more with myself a little more & I thank you for that. Even with all the good, one bad thing has happened. I’m not sure you already know or should know. You gave me an STD (curable) that was cool to find out”.
He took a while to respond after he read it, he finally sent a genuine apology that I honestly believe he meant; he then sent a paragraph about how he felt about the situation getting this far he only wanted the best for me and he knew he wasn’t good enough. The conversation went on but at some point, enough is enough I was just finding out this same day that my blood pressure was high so at this point I can’t even argue any more. I’ve got the closure from him the I wanted from the beginning.
(Y’all probably wondering do I feel like I’ve been played, taking advantage of or do I think he honestly did love me at some point?)
Yes, to all, I felt betrayed I been used and lied to; this guy took my kindness for weakness and at some point, I do think he loved me but not in love with me.
The last thing I said to him was “I wish the best for you”
But honestly, I’ve became I better person after all this and really realized that people going to tell you what you want to hear, I’ve personally experience it first hand and I wouldn’t wish this feeling on no one.