So, this morning I woke up and decided to do one of those fake online tarot readings. Silly… I know. It said I should consider writing a book, it would be a success. I thought how ridiculous but then I thought I mean why not write, it might help me feel better. Then I asked but what would I write about, what can I possibly write about that will be appealing? What did I come up with? I’m honestly still not sure. I think I want to start an online “diary.” Why? I’d like to know who reads it and who decides to comment but remain anonymous. Back to the tarot reading, why in the freaking world would anyone take advice about a dumb tarot reading. Me. Some of the stuff seemed relatable, so maybe this will help me feel a little better. It’ll give me something to kill time with.

So, with that said I’m going to write about my life.

Let me begin with telling you all a little about me. YAY! Not really, I hate having to describe myself to people. I’m 21 years old. Female. I’ve grown up in GA all my life. I’m 5’1. Not in the best shape, some might say I’m fat, others may say I’m thick. I think I’m average. Some may have seen me on Tinder and you’ll never know. I have dark hair, light skin, darker than pale but light than olive. My favorite attribute are my lips. They are full, and compliment my smile well.

My nose is cute its small, a bit flat yet pointy at the same time. I have boring, yet beautiful brown eyes. I’ve never had anyone compliment my eyes till this past Wednesday night. A tinder date said, “I never realized how pretty your eyes are until now under the street light.” I like to think my eyes are very revealing, easy to read, just like everyone my eyes tell a story. In pictures they look seducing, but yet innocent. I don’t know. I’m afraid to make eye contact, I guess because I’m scared people will be able to read me and know my weakness just by eye contact. I’m very kind, sweet, I like to put others before myself which is possibly a huge mistake on my part. Which can be the reason I’m always getting hurt. I’m the girl that falls in love easy, I trust easy. I see the good in all people despite the bad they’ve done. I always have a smile on face, no matter what, sure I have my off days and I won’t smile but I hate feeling like that. I like to make people laugh/smile. I’ll make a fool of myself just to see someone else smile. I’m the girl people come to for comfort, or advice, but I’m also the girl who has no one when I need the comfort. I’ve been hurt a couple of hundred times… that’s exaggerating… but I’ll be writing about all the people in my life sooner or later maybe. Anyways, enough about me let me start it out already.

There’s not much interesting about my life. I live in a routine like most Americans. I wake up, get ready for my 9-5 job, get stuck in Atlanta traffic, get a coffee, talk the same old story with my colleagues, leave work, get home and do as much as I can before bed, just to do the same thing the next day. Boring, I know. Of course, there’s more details to my life like I have no real social life. Like I said I’m a single 21 female, that just like many people use Tinder or whatever dating site. I use Tinder because I don’t go out much for me to meet someone out of the blue in a bar, restaurant, or festivals Atlanta has. I have no real social life, I have a few friends, I’m not a complete loner… but it sure feels like it sometimes. Why? My closest friends are either married, have kids, or your best friend’s partner hates you because they think you’re trying to sleep with their love. (That’s a long story I can get into later).

I grew up with many friends but of course high school came around and a lot of my childhood friends dropped me because I wasn’t as “popular” as them, then I made new friends of course. I don’t know what happened to them either. Part can be my fault because I distanced myself and part can be because they just moved on to better things. Have you guys seen the Netflix serious 13 reasons why? Hannah Baker, I feel like her. ALONE. LIKE EVERYONE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME. NO, I’m not suicidal. Every day is a new day. There’s days I feel as I have no real purpose, but I’m going to find one. I guess Tinder fills in the Loneliness I feel but sometimes I’m tired of the pointless convo that always end the same “want to hookup?” If there’s anything I stress more than anything is WILL I EVER MEET THE ONE AND GET MARRIED? I’ve had only 3 relationships in my life, 2 if we don’t count the 2nd one, but I’ve had so many dates that just fail. I should write about all of them haha. But I don’t know exactly where they go wrong. They talk to me for a while and out of nowhere it just dies out, they go ghost and those will be the dates that go good after the first date. Others the first date was awkward AF lol. Why do I feel like I’m the only one who wants a real relationship and get married someday? Maybe I’m overthinking.