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This is my love story. I am 15 years old

I am 15 years old. And I shall not reveal my true name so you can call me whatever. I live in the UK.

3 months ago or so, my family and I had suffered a great loss when my aunt died by cancer. She was a mother of 4, two of which were her youngest daughters which I was very close with. For privacy reasons, I shall call the eldest Mary and the youngest Rosie.

After she had passed I felt as if I would almost take some responsibility for being there for them like an older sister (keep in mind the eldest was 13 and the other one was 12 so not much difference in age). They had to come to my house for a sleepover and at the time, the eldest girl was having a problem with a boy online. The boy online will be called Eric here. Eric goes to school and is good friends with mine and Mary’s other cousin who is a boy but doesn’t know that we have communication with Eric (creating an automatic risk).

We are Muslim Pakistani girls, so it wasn’t really normal and acceptable for us to be talking to boys. We had decided to try to pull an all-nighter as she sent snap videos to this boy trying to explain what the argument was about and how she was wrong and what happened blah blah blah.

Eric also had admitted he has feelings for Mary for a while but Mary had something going on with someone else. They just seemed like two silly and pathetic 13-year-old kids arguing. Out of pure boredom, I grabbed the iPad and started talking to him myself sending videos of me saying weird things. He was a white boy so we couldn’t really relate as much as he was Asian, but I was just so bored that I was begging a conversation with him.

I was messing around him saying I’m Spanish and my name was this and I’m an athlete; all bullshit to just create a fun conversation. I gave him my Instagram and he asap spammed me with likes (to be honest that scared me a bit but oh well). It was 6am by now and he had begun talking to my cousin again for the rest of the night so I couldn’t be asked anymore. Just when I was about to sleep, he asked my cousin to give him my snapchat add. Without much thought, I gave it to him. We woke up around 1pm as we fell asleep around 7am.

At the time, I was interested in this new guy I had on snap, who was Asian and very good looking so I was pretty much busy talking to him. Later that day when my cousins went home, I was talking to the boy I was interested in, not paying much attention to Eric. We had a snap streak 3 days later and I think 3 days after that we started to talk, he often popped up first. I still wasn’t very bothered as I saw him as some teen who has a thing with my Mary.

Weeks went by and I realized he was actually quite funny. Soon enough I was talking much more to Eric then I was to Haroon. He was just funny and even started flirting a bit. Slowly he wasn’t the same boy I met that night with Mary. I even found out he was in the same year as me and not younger than me.

He started to become very attractive looking to me and just quite sexy. The time came when we had our first facetime call. It was perfect and we were both nervous. We used to call every day, starting to see each other react in person. I had been very careful to call in my room so nobody would hear me. My mum was a very strict woman and hates nothing more than being embarrassed. She hates it when something private gets out to other families and they try to use it against us in a shameful way.

My dad is a VERY KIND MAN WHO NEVER SHOUTS AT ME. But he also doesn’t want people talking about us. They both have the same idea of not wanting people to find out about our secrets and think bad of us. Anyway, back to ME AND Eric. We were in love. I really liked him. He understood me and wanted me to be happy. His friends group consisted of Asians and Muslims so he knew the drill when it came to Asian girls and knew that I would probably have to delete him for a bit if things became too risky then I would add him again when the coast was clear.

Soon enough we had our first argument involving him being stupidly jealous and just stupid. Then we had another argument, then another and so forth. Now these arguments may be caused because of petty things but they were treated as if they were so important. We would fully yell and scream at one another…. yet it was never enough to separate us. We weren’t never really a couple as we never asked one another and it was more of a natural thing. I loved him as he did me, that was that.

We were coping well…. until last night. We were on facetime and he told me that his liver had worsened. He suffered from Gilbert Syndrome and a weak liver. He was at a crucial point now. He had also been caught up in a fight that his ex-best friend caused by telling lies about things he never said. I was shocked because I could hear his voice breaking up as he was telling me. He never cried. Even in our arguments it was always be me who wept, never him though.

He told me that he felt that he was going to die, if not by his liver, but by his fight that he was dragged in…him vs an 18-year-old.

I couldn’t speak because A) it was night time and my dad and older brother were sleeping in the other room (my mum and other brother were abroad) and B) because I didn’t know what to say. I was silently crying. I loved him. I really fucking did. I needed him…and he was telling me he was dying.

He kept whimpering babe…please talk to me. Trying every 5 minutes to get me to talk in the softest most loving, crying whisper ever.

He told me to be strong and that I had to move on. I had to move on and find someone better, there was no better. Eric was a drinker and a smoker. I often told him to stop, he tried to but at times the stress took him over so he couldn’t resist.

He turned on front camera to show me his face and I started bawling my eyes out. He did his best to calm me down. I wanted to show him my face as well, seeing I never really did show my full face on facetime as I was shy (not because I don’t want him to see me or something, trust he has pictures of my full face) I went to the bathroom, hiding the iPad in my trousers so I could show my face but I never spoke and he whispered.

I was making my way back to the bed when I decided I needed a bit longer. I went back to the toilet and told him he could in fact whisper. I was replying back with text and he was talking. I told him I’ll go back to bed and talk there but without camera as it was dark here.

On my way, back to the room I passed my dad on the mattress on the floor and he asked me for his phone. I was confused, I said I don’t have it. He told me I did. And that I was talking to someone in the toilet, he could hear me.

I instantly died. I felt dead and stopped. He said he was standing outside my door all that time I was talking and he could hear someone talking back, Eric’s voice was mad deep so he assumed it was a man. He stood up and searched me. I was able to delete snap of the iPad but he heard me.

It was too late, there was no evidence but he was convinced I was talking to a male, the worst thing is he thought it was a man. He was absolutely furious.

He was asking who I was talking too, I’m lied and said nobody. But he heard it all. He doesn’t know who it was and thank god, I didn’t call his name. here I am now, at work experience, in an office, thinking what to say to my dad when I go home.

Because my dad really loves me as his only daughter and I love him too, I saw last night he was resisting the urge to hit me. I don’t know how to make it up to him now. I know I’ll never tell him who he is. But I have to make something up. I just need something believable, and I just need it to be reasonable enough for him to forget about. I don’t want him to tell my Mum when she gets home. I was just too obvious this time.

What worries me right now is what I’m going to say to my dad and try to survive, but what kills my heart is thinking of how I can’t talk to Eric before he is gone for good.

70% believes him but the rest 30% doesn’t know what to believe. He’d never me to ask the people involved or pop up to them on Instagram, as if they are not going to know what I’m talking about and as if he is lying to me. And if he is, I don’t care. I’m happy he would be alive. Though I won’t be allowed on the iPad so somehow, I need to get home and message him and tell him that my dad found out but doesn’t know who and tell him I love him so much.

Also let him take my account for as long as he can. I just want my dad to forgive me. I could say that I was face timing my friend and her cousin went to my primary school and I was talking to him through her. And I won’t ever do it again. Tae everything off me just don’t be sad with me. I’m going to try to buy him his favorite sweets and make him food but I’m not the best cook.

Even though this is all horrible and I feel so down and upset and just really bummed… It was worth hearing him tell me. It was worth Eric. Right now, I couldn’t care about Mary or any of my other cousins who knew Eric and would snitch on me and go up to him if they knew about us. I’m just stupid for risking it.

Here I sit now…its 3:32 pm and I leave here with my brother at 5:00. I hate work experience here as it’s so dead and I’m always rushing to get home. But now…I don’t want to go home. Plus, my annoying brother forgot the key so I hope the builders that are working on my house have a key that we can use or that they are still at home so I can set up before my dad comes home and I don’t have to wait for him to come home from work with the keys.

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