Every day I get up in hope I can live I can be happy I can become meaningful to someone. I face my lonely life as it is and try to pass the day myself see people I wish I could be there in between them enjoying what life truly is then I talk myself back to the harsh reality that wake up eat pass the day eat sleep. Repeat. There are times I’m not able to cope.
I take path to death but then in the last step I get back to where I was the lonely life in hope it will get meaningful one day. I face the harsh reality every day I know about everything that needs to be known to get out of this depression I’ve had this so much thoughts of how to make my life meaningful but whatever I did want in vain.
I got broken beyond repair that might be my thinking but I don’t feel safe around myself see my shadow n I get angry I abuse myself I talk shittest creepy things to myself. The other side of me then again tells me to go on the path of death and see with my eyes what the true freedom from the bonds of What we call life today looks like. I try to quit living the life and stop the pain once and for all. But at last step of ending everything I get this 0.01% hope that it will get better give time some time and it will give you meaningful life.
I get back to where I was. I wait & wait & wait & wait & wait. It’s been 4 years and I feel haha life you’re so funny please don’t make a joke out of me. Just kill me already instant and easy. Don’t make me die silently and painfully. I want to just stop breathing oxygen. I just want to stop moving. I just want to fall and never wake up. I just want to be still forever and don’t feel any emotion.
My life is playing hide seek with me. I always catch Sadness depression loneliness fear death wish at once but my happiness is the best play of hide and seek I still am trying to figure out how to catch it. It’s still on the loses no wonder my happiness is the best player of hide and seek. It’s not be found till date. It went into hiding about 4 years ago and it’s still hidden somewhere I couldn’t find it.
Life really is playing games with me. I’m so sad and depressed that even the atmosphere around me talks to me and says bro go take a bath of happiness because your smell of depression is killing us.so do us a favor either go to the path of death and end everything or take a bath of happiness and come back. It’s either that or that.no way around, so I made a new path in going to do both and I still be at the same exact point where I’m. You know it’s always good if people around you give you little happiness in presents.
Birthdays are so overrated all they show is fake happiness and at the end of the day you’re still ducking depressed and sad and all those represents vanishes instantly after that. This is my broken life and I might end up beneath 5 feet inside of the ground. You never know so that the heads up for me. I’ve stopped wishing now. I’m waiting for the death to come my way and take forever. Now……..I’m going to go back to miserable life so I can pity in myself and have some depression in my breakfast lunch and dinner, hope you all have a nice day.