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I want to kill myself

If you’re reading this, thanks, you’ve made my day.

I don’t know where to start honestly, this “story” is going to escalate quite quick, so fasten your seat belts folks. I’m young, very young actually, I am not quite comfortable with sharing my age. But I was just crying a few minutes ago, cheesy, but true. But I am of the age where I want to take control of my life, I want to live it to the fullest. And I am doing neither, I suffer from Carpophobia, (fear of wrists), and some other stuff I’ll get into later.

I don’t quite know whether or not I want to fully open up on here, but it’s anonymous. I guess, so let’s start with the fact that I want to kill myself, yep, told you it was going to escalate.

I’m not doing this for attention, if I wanted to. I would share my name, and who I am, but I’m not. I don’t think anyone has the right to that info.

I’m upset with who I am, I don’t want to be me, and don’t think to yourself “this girl needs help” *Pretty sure I forgot to mention I am a female* because I might need help, but I’m trying to help myself, which isn’t quite working, but I’m trying, it’s hard to get all my thoughts out, especially when I don’t know who’s going to read this. And when, for all I know nobody will ever see this and ever read this *whoa good way to crush yourself*!…

But I’m fat, whoa typical suicidal person. This must be getting boring for you and you probably don’t care either, and I’m not saying I’m going to kill myself today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon, but I intend to end my own life when it gets too hard for me to handle on my own, and I don’t want help.

I don’t need it. Because it really is too complicated for anyone to understand, and people that I have told in the past simply say. You aren’t old enough to make these decisions. As if age has anything to with whether I want to wake up in the morning. if you made it this far. Thanks, especially for listening to some suicidal girl who keeps babbling, and by the way, whoever is reading this. You’re perfect, don’t forget that.

3 Comments


  1. Hi babe, I feel your pain…I was fat once I was 91kgs…I felt all your emotions and I was far from even being confident or let alone dressing. I had named a certain set of clothes and called them DP clothes depression clothes. after going for a check up I found out that I had cysts and went on medication and had to do frequent exercises.now I am77kgs … don’t be so hard on yourself …something may be wrong with you medically and you don’t even know… I’m glad I stumbled on this msg even though I know you wrote it to vent an with the attitude that no one cares but I do I don’t know who you are but i pray that God has his hand upon you.

  2. I know how you feel im am 13 years old and wiegh 222 pounds yup thats not an error two hundred and twenty two pounds probly more since last time i checked was months ago (also I dont suffer from something that makes me fat I litteraly am just that fat)but i do suffer from depression, anxiety, and social phobia (social anxiety). Nobody understands that sometimes I just dont want to wake up anymore. Or that it’s hard to talk to people or do something new. Everyone acts like they understand but NEWS FLASH you dont understand unless you are also fat and have depression.They all say ” oh you dont have depression your just sadand lazy” or “you dont have anxiety your just nervous” and “you dont have social phobia your just shy” I just feel like screaming “open your eyes fools I do have all of those things!” They all thinkk some “little” kid cant possibly have anything wrong in their life. Sometimes I wish I could just escape them all and get away from all my problems. OH I think I forgot to mention I am also a girl. Well i’ll stop blabbing since your probly not even gonna see this. well bye and if you read this know that you are an amazing person and going through all of this just makes people like you and me stronger. Life will get better.

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