I’m a multilingual Muslim girl. I have a loving family that will support me in whatever I do. I am ambitious, and they love me for it.

I have been raped by two people, and sexually abused by them over a long period of time. The second time was by a male friend, and he is the reason that I do not accept rides from white men. The first time was with my godmother.

I love my godmother, I have always loved my godmother. She was kind and good in every other way. She took care of those in our community, she raised me, but she was very damaged.

Since I can remember I have always loved older women. They are usually in their 40’s or 50’s, and mothers, and I usually develop close relationships with them. I do this because they remind me of my godmother, and because I desire closeness and find women very anticipatory.

I’ve read that rape victims are sometimes attracted to people who look like their abusers. Just admitting that much is difficult for me.

I’m only sixteen and I feel that I am losing more and more of myself day by day by pretending to be so many things at once.

If my friends knew who I was, I don’t think they would love me anymore.